Rising From the Ashes
by writingisjustwhatido
Summary: Katniss chose Gale and Peeta is left alone to try and pick up the pieces of his life.  He loved the girl on fire with everything he was.  But she burned him through, leaving behind nothing but the ashes.  Peeta & OC
1. Chapter 1

Ashes, ashes we all fall down. The old nursery rhyme played over in my head, catching on the last part. It was completely true of my life. All around me were the ruins of my home, buildings I had seen every day of my life now reduced to nothing.

Not only was my world falling apart in the physical sense but emotionally and mentally too. I still had the constant nightmares, full of screams and death and evil. My life always felt dark even on a sunny day like this. My entire family was gone without me ever having the chance to say goodbye. But the worst, the part that caused me the unbearable pain, clouded my thoughts, was that Katniss had chosen to be with someone else.

At the end of the war, when the Capital had fallen to the rebels I had finally thought I had regained control of myself. That I was strong enough to fight the effects of the hijacking. That after over ten years of waiting, Katniss and I could be together.

But she chose Gale. My whole life I had loved her. More times than I can count I had saved her life. I had supported her in everything, helped her whenever she needed it, raged an impossible battle inside my own head to fight the hijacking. And yet she chose him. It tore me up inside. I was crumbling, falling apart. The very fibers of my being unraveling. I had loved her with everything I was. Without that love I didn't know who I was.

I continued walking down the beaten path from the rebuilt bakery to my house. My dark, empty house. Empty of laughter and joy and love but completely full of ghosts and demons of the past. My eyes are on the ground and I am oblivious to the world around me, humming the somewhat chilling tune to myself. I'm not looking where I'm going when someone runs square into me.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" a clear voice exclaims. "I wasn't even watching where I was walking and….Oh! It's you!" They have said all of this in what seems like one breath, all while I have barely seen who it is. She definitely isn't from District 12 originally but I could swear I've seen her before. Taking in the clipboard resting in the crook of her arm and the pencil tucked behind her ear it all comes together.


	2. Chapter 2

Iris Hemway, an architect from District 6. She had come to 12 to help rebuild after the bombs. I never left my house anymore except to go to the bakery or buy food. But occasionally I would see her running around calling out directions in a commanding but gentle voice or sitting under a tree furiously scribbling dimensions and layouts on her clipboard.

"It's fine," I said, my voice dull and flat next to her lively tone. Silently I kicked myself. Didn't matter how much I was hurting, there wasn't an excuse for me to be so rude. "It's my fault too. I should have been looking where I was going," I said making an effort to mask the hurt that never left my voice.

"I don't know what to say! I'm just so honored to meet you! Wow just wow. Oh! I'm Iris!" I was staring at her somewhat incredulously she rambled on. Never before had I heard one person say so much at such a rapid pace. Bending down to pick up a pen she had dropped, I looked at her for real.

She was young, couldn't be much older than me. Impressive really, considering how many buildings she had designed. Pretty too. Very pretty. She had long brown hair that glinted red in the sunlight. Her skin was a smooth creamy pale color, so different from most around here. Huge green eyes framed by thick dark lashes. Full pink lips parted in a breathtaking smile.

"Hi Iris, I'm Peeta," I extended my hand. Juggling her clipboard from arm to arm and dropping quite a few papers in the process, Iris reached out and shook my hand. Her slender hands were warm and soft.

"Oh I know," she said, a slight blush creeping across her cheeks. "I would probably recognize you anywhere. Who else would have such gorgeous eyes?" she giggled. Tucking her hair behind her ear with one hand, she leaned over to retrieve the fallen sheets. Just as she was about to stick it back to clipboard the wind snatched it out of her hand. At the same time we ran after it. The paper twirled out of our reach over and over again. Finally I was able to reach up and catch it between my fingertips.

"Here you go," I said while clipping it to the board myself to keep from repeating what just happened.

"Thank you! I'm just so clumsy!" Iris chirped, her face flushed and dimples showing. "You know I hated watching the Games just like everyone else. But you were my favorite right from the start. Well I guess after my own District but they didn't last very long," she finished sadly. "But I am glad that you got out. You were so impressive. So strong and clever. And the camouflage? Incredible."

"Thank you. I'm sorry about the tributes from your District," I replied unsure of how to respond to all the compliments.

"But anyway it is really great to meet you. Would you…. Would you like to ummmm go for a walk or maybe get something to eat?" she stammered her cheeks on fire. I didn't know how to react. As long as people outside of District 12 had known me, I had been completely in love with Katniss. How could she be asking this? Hadn't she assumed that I would be too broken up by Katniss leaving me to even think about someone else? She was beautiful, yes and seemed nice too. But I couldn't. Katniss had shattered my heart and I didn't even want to pretend to play that game with someone else. Still doing my best to remain polite despite the fact that I was falling apart inside, I answered as nicely as I could.

"I actually have a lot of things I need to take care of today. But I'm sure I will see you again sometime." Her face fell and her cheeks remained pink. Not the happy lively blush but an embarrassed, hurt expression.

"I understand. I should probably go now anyway, the builders are probably looking for me," Iris ducked her head and walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

I felt bad but it was hard to care about someone else's feelings when my own were at such an impossibly low point. My feet trudged down the road until I came to my house.

"I'm home," I called to the empty house and chuckled humorlessly. When had my sense of humor become so dark? Blindly I set about making myself some dinner. When it was all ready I set it down at the table and stared at it. My appetite had disappeared and I pushed back my chair without touching any of it. Walking upstairs I pushed open the door to my room and collapsed on the bed completely dressed.

I hated myself. I was a grown man but I couldn't help how I was acting. For as long as I could remember Katniss had been everything to me. To know that she had left me for someone else killed me. I missed everything about her. Ashes, ashes we all fall down. The girl on fire. She had burned me through leaving nothing behind but the ashes of the person I used to be. Ashes, ashes we all fall down.


	4. Chapter 4

Sleep didn't come easily but after a while I drifted off. Bright yellow light streaming through the open window woke me in the morning. Groaning I rolled onto my stomach and pulled the pillow over top my head. After just laying there for a few minutes I made myself get up and start the day. Once again I was just going through the motions. If I shut my mind down I could dull the pain. Without really being aware of anything I was doing, I got myself ready and headed to the bakery. Soon I was rolling out a slab of dough in preparation of a long day of baking. The bell on the door rang signaling a customer coming in.

I kept my focus on my work. Everyone had become used to my new sunken personality and knew that I would respond when spoken to but wouldn't strike up a conversation on my own. Truthfully I could tell it made them somewhat uncomfortable but I didn't know how to fix myself. Besides I was the only bakery in the district and everything tasted amazing. Without anything else left for me in life I poured myself into my work coming up with new recipes and perfecting old ones all the time. People were willing to deal with the hollow eyed baker to buy the delicious breads and pastries. They might have also felt sorry for me. My ordeal in the Capital, the weeks of unimaginable torture, was common knowledge. And the scars were constant reminders to anyone who forgot. I couldn't stand the pity in their gazes. How I must look to them. A broken boy who was forced into not one but two Games. A boy whose entire family is dead, whose home burned to the ground. Who went through pain like no one else knew. And in the end lost the person who he had loved more than his own life.

Someone in front of me delicately cleared their throat. I looked up trying to arrange my features into something as closely resembling a smile as I could. It was as if my muscles had forgotten how. Surprised I realized it was Iris.

"Good morning. What can I get for you?" I asked in a business-like manner that was polite but didn't invite conversation.

"Could I have two loaves of bread?" she requested timidly.

"What kind?"

"Ummm I don't know. Oh! I know. Bring me your favorite kind." I raised my eyebrows but went to the back to wrap up the order. Deliberating for only a moment I grabbed two loaves of sourdough and covered them in white paper. I walked back to front counter to hand them to Iris. She laughed.

"Have a rough morning?" she questioned.

"What do you mean?" Every morning was a rough morning for me. But what was making her ask that?

"You put your shirt on inside out," she pointed to the visible seams. I stared down at my chest blankly.

"I guess I did. Excuse me," I said flatly. Once again I returned to the back of the store. Yanking my shirt up over my head I flipped the shirt and put it back on, retying my apron over top. I needed to start paying a lot more attention to what I was doing. But it is so much less painful to go around in my foggy haze. Iris was waiting patiently at the counter with a small smile on her face.

"You know being an architect I notice things about buildings that most other people don't. But you would think someone who spends almost all their time in a certain place would realize that the top half of their doors is glass. And that someone standing in the front could see almost everything happening in the back. Not that I minded," she finished with a wink. Setting the coins down on the counter, she picked up the bread, pushed the door open, and walked down the street without looking back.


	5. Chapter 5

I was somewhat baffled. She had been nervous and then all of a sudden gained a burst of confidence. I really did like her smile but I didn't understand why she was flirting with me. Couldn't she see how torn up I was?

The rest of my day was predictable and followed the pattern that my life had taken since I started living alone here after all that had happened. At the end of the day I locked up and headed home. This time I actually ate something and remembered to take my shoes off before falling onto the bed.

The next few weeks continued in the same fashion. Except for one bewildering thing. Every time I would see Iris she would talk to me, laughing and going on. Always at the end of the conversation she would ask if I wanted to do something. Each time I declined as politely as I could but it was confusing me. The whole country had witnessed when I proclaimed my love for Katniss. When I fought over and over to keep her safe. When I was tortured by the Capital to find her location. And when she chose to leave me. All the other girls treated me as I expected. Someone damaged, someone for who they could never compare to the one before. A few had tried to come onto me, wrongly thinking that I would be desperate for any kind of affection, even if it wasn't accompanied by anything even close to love. But they had backed off after my refusal. Yet Iris wasn't acting like them. She seemed as if she would genuinely like to talk to me, to find out what I was like. It frightened and perplexed me.

One day I finally gave in. I had decided to plant some flower bushes in front of the bakery. Having purchased everything I needed, I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. It consumed my hands but left my mind free to wander which was a dangerous thing now. But I was determined to finish the project I had set out to do and tried to block out all the bad memories. I finished shortly after midday. Standing back to admire the work, I caught sight of Iris walking down the street. It was a warm summer day and she was wearing in a light blue dress. She smiled when she saw me and quickened her pace.

"Hi Peeta! Gardening?" her voice was perky and bright no matter how many times I had responded dully.

"Yes. I'm trying to make the bakery look better."

"Well why don't we just have you stand in the front window? I'd come in for sure then," she suggested jokingly. I answered with one of my pitiful attempts at a smile.

"You know you have a huge smudge of dirt across your face?" she said reaching up with her hand. I flinched but she kept her hand steady and wiped it away with gentle fingers. The spot where she had brushed against my cheek remained warm even after she drew her hand away.

"I hope you weren't baking any bread with those dirty hands today," she teased.

"No I closed the bakery for the whole day. I thought this was going to take longer but now I'm done with my day's work." That may have been one of the longest things I've said in a while. Sad considering it was only a couple sentences.

"Oh so you're free the rest of today? It just so happens that I am too. Come on now, you can't have an excuse for saying no to spending the afternoon with me." There it was again. She must be incredibly determined to keep asking me despite the countless times I had turned down the offer.

I still had yet to figure out why she kept asking me. Finally I decided that I would only find out if I agreed. But was I really up to spending more than a few minutes with someone else? I had been alone for so long, somewhat of a self-imposed solitary confinement, I had forgotten how to interact with others. Worse what if I had one of my tracker jacker episodes? When I was by myself it didn't matter. I could rage all I wanted, beating on the walls, smashing things to the ground, with no one around I couldn't hurt anyone. But I hadn't known Iris before the hijacking so I had no memories of her to have been messed with. Maybe if I said yes and she saw truly how broken I was she would stop asking. Then I would continue living my miserable existence.


	6. Chapter 6

I had been thinking through my internal conflicts for much longer than I thought. Iris was standing there hesitantly, not sure what to do. "Okay," I said.

"I understand….Wait did you say yes?" she asked in disbelief.

I nodded. "What do you want to do?"

"Well it's your District. Shouldn't you know better than me what there is to do?"

"Except my house and the bakery I don't go anywhere else so no."

"Okay, let's go to your house," she said decisively.

Wrinkling my nose I cautioned, "I don't know the last time anyone but me has been in there. It's not exactly ready for entertaining."

"I'm perfectly fine with that. Besides you're a mess. You really need a shower," she said fanning the air in front of her nose playfully. The old me might have played along, pretending to be offended. But instead I just barely shrugged and started down the familiar road home.


	7. Chapter 7

"Wow, these houses are so beautiful," Iris whispered when we reached the Victors Village. "I mean I've seen them before in 6 and when they would show the victors on TV. But up close you can really appreciate all the details. The slant of the roof and the placement of the windows, it's like a work of art."

I blinked and focused my eyes on the houses. Yes they were big put I couldn't see what had her so excited. It must be the architect in her. Trying to remember how I used to be around people, I initiated a conversation for the first time since I could remember. "What made you become an architect? District 6 specialized in medicine right? So how did you start designing buildings?"

Iris looked surprised that I was showing interest in something but she was too polite to comment on it. "Everyone asks me that. Everyone in my family before me had been doctors but I still felt like there was something else I should be doing. The labs where new medicines were tested always seemed so ugly to me. Nobody else seemed to care as long as they were functional. But I feel like every building should tell a story. Then one day some experiments went wrong and started a fire. The labs burned to the ground. The plan was just to rebuild them as before but I saw it as an opportunity to make the District better. So I petitioned the mayor to let me come up with a new design for them. I still don't know why he agreed but he did. And I've been designing buildings ever since."

I was impressed that she had carved out her own niche in life. My father had been a baker so I had too. I hadn't even considered another option. I told her.

"Oh but you are so good at it! Everything you make is so delicious. You didn't consider anything else because it was your calling. It was meant to be."

"That's a little dramatic considering we're only talking about bread."

Iris laughed. "Well I can be known to be a bit dramatic at times. It shouldn't surprise you though. I mean anyone who gets excited about roofs is obviously a little over the top about small things."

By now we had reached the door and I unlocked it, holding it open for her to pass through. I was somewhat embarrassed by the state of the house. No one else ever came in so I hadn't really been bothering with cleaning since everything had happened. There were dishes stacked in the sink, piles of clothes I kept meaning to wash but never seemed to get around to, a fine film of dust covering unused furniture.

"Sorry that it looks like this. I'm the only one living here so there's no one to complain about the mess. So I guess I just kind of let the house go. Before I never would have been allowed to do that because Katniss..."

An ice cold dagger plunged through my heart. Out of nowhere a memory or thought of Katniss would pop up. It would leave me feeling even more drained and miserable than usual for the rest of the day. Using all the strength I had in me, I pushed all the emotions down. The near mention of her had reminded me of my purpose to agreeing to Iris's offer. To let her see how messed up I was so she would leave me alone in my misery. I looked up to see her reaction to my little episode.

She had politely directed her attention elsewhere and was pushing back the dull curtains to let in some sunlight. "There that's better. I just love the summer. So why don't you go get cleaned up and then we can figure out something to do."

"Well what are you going to do?" I asked, a little guilty about leaving her alone in the house.

"I'll be fine. You beauty routine can't take that long." She smiled and walked over to the double windows in the kitchen. "You don't mind if I open all of these up do you?"

I nodded my consent and headed up the stairs, leaving her alone in the dark empty house.

**A/N So I don't like to be one to beg for reviews but please review! It helps me decide whether I should continue with an idea or not. So if you want to see more of this send me a review!**


	8. Chapter 8

I showered quickly and dressed in some clothes I found off the floor. My hygiene had really taken a turn for the worst. I really needed to do something about it but for now they didn't smell and weren't horribly wrinkled so I put them on. All the while I kept trying to remember how to take to people. Not about bread or forced conversations about the weather. But how to actually interact with someone else.

Even growing up I had never had any trouble talking to people. It came easily and I loved being around others. Making people laugh and feel comfortable around me had been second nature. But ever since Katniss left I had sunk into the shadows. I didn't want anything to do with others. For the first time in my life I chose solitude over company. By now I was used to it. But a small part of me longed for how I had used to been.

Making my way down the stairs I came into the kitchen and was shocked by what I saw. Iris had been busy. She had washed the dishes, opened up all the windows to let sunlight in, and even had a vase of flowers sitting on the table. A small noise of surprise escaped me.

She looked up sheepishly. "Sorry but I couldn't resist. It's probably really weird that I cleaned you house for you but…um sorry that was really weird of me." She finished with a shrug and bit her lip, waiting to see if I was freaked out.

"Um no, it's fine. Thank you actually."

"So while I was down here playing house by myself did you come up with any ideas for things to do?" Iris raised her eyebrows in question.

"No sorry. I didn't even think about it." No way was I going to tell her I spent the whole time trying to remember how to talk like a normal person. That would send up major flags. But wasn't that what I wanted? To show her that she didn't want to get involved with me? That I was too damaged for anyone to deal with? "Actually I was too busy figuring out how to talk again."

Iris just laughed. "It sounds like we need to get you out of this house. Oh, I have an idea! Let's do a picnic!"

I was surprised that she had taken my comment so normally. Maybe she was used to weird people. But after a while she'd probably figure out just how much worse I was than anyone else she'd met before. For now though I decided to try and act like my old self. The hijacked lunatic, heartbroken side of me would come out on its own.

"A picnic? What are we some cheesy show Capital people would have watched?" I said shaking my wet hair out like a dog.

She jumped back to avoid getting sprayed. "Yes a picnic! I think it's a cute idea. So if you're going to make fun of it then I guess I'll just go by myself," Iris fake pouted.

"Ok. I think I'm going to go take a nap. Let me know how it goes for you."

She punched me in the arm. "Come on! You agreed to spend the afternoon with me so now you have to go along with what I say."

"Hey you didn't say I was going to have to do everything you want. If I had known that there's no way I would have said yes."

"Fine, I guess I'm leaving then," she started towards the door. "Here I go," she paused and looked over her shoulder. "No one wants me here."

"No I guess you can stay. You know if you really want to."

"Nope I'm leaving unless you admit you want me to stay. Say it because I am more than ready to walk out this door. Here I'll help you. Just repeat after me, wait Iris, don't go," she motioned for me continue.

"Fine I can play along. Wait Iris, don't go."

"I really, really want you to stay. You are so much better than me that from now on I will listen to whatever you say."

"Nope sorry, not going there. But I will ask you to stay."

She flashed me a bright smile. "I guess that will have to work. So should we make some dinner to take with us?"

I nodded and moved over to my pantry. The shelves were almost completely bare. "Well let's see. Do you prefer five year old canned asparagus or this, well I'm not really sure what this is. It's kind of round. Maybe some kind of cracker or cookie. A biscuit?"

"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me you are a baker and yet you have absolutely nothing in your house to eat? Ok we are stopping by the bakery to find something."

"Now you wait. It sounds to me like you're just trying to get a free dinner off me. Trying to steal some of the bread that I poured all my hard work into."

"You are just impossible! I'll pay you for it. But only half because you aren't getting free food off of me either."

"I guess we have a deal." I stuck out my hand for her to shake. She did with a little eye roll and exasperated huff.

"Do you have a bathroom I could use first though?" Iris asked. I showed her down the hall and then walked back to the table to sit down. Joking with her just a minute ago had been so easy, so natural. I hadn't been able to talk with anyone like that since before being capture by the Capital ages ago. It felt good. After Katniss had left me I had shut out the world, thinking that without her I had no other life. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe life could go on without her. Given how it had torn me up and forced me to live like I had been, it seemed unlikely. But I had overcome great odds before.

I had lived in pain over her long enough. It was time for me to start my life again. After all don't people say living well is the best revenge? But I didn't want revenge. All I wanted was Katniss. Just when I would think I was getting better, maybe moving on just a little bit, everything would come crashing back to me.

Who was I kidding anyways? I had been through more in my life than most people would be able to handle. It had all become too much. I was probably broken beyond any repair. Ashes, ashes we all fall down. Then out of nowhere a strange thought popped into my head. Iris's story about becoming an architect. The buildings had burned down completely until they were nothing but ashes. Yet she had rebuilt them again. Into something even better than before.

**A/N I tried to make this a little longer since all the other chapters were really short. Please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

Iris shocked me out of my daze when she walked back in the room and promptly tripped over the leg of the table. She steadied herself on the edge and looked up, a blush spreading across her face.

"Sorry but I keep telling you I'm clumsy. I'm kind of a danger to myself."

"Let's get out of here before you break anything important, like all of my priceless valuables," I said walking to the door.

"Wait we need a basket! Oh, and a blanket too!"

"Really? We're really gonna go there?"

"Hey if we are doing this picnic thing we are going to do it right. That means a basket for the food and a blanket to sit on. I'm ready to go all out here." She crossed her arms and playfully dared me to disagree.

I pretended to sigh loudly. "Fine but I don't have a basket. I'm a real man and real men don't own baskets."

Iris snorted. "Right that's the measure of a true man. You can't be tough unless you've never owned a basket in your life."

"Laugh if you want but I really don't have one. We could use a trash can though if it makes you happy." To continue my joke I walked over to the can and started to pick it up.

"No! That's ok on second thought we can make do with something else," she grinned. "We'll just use a bag from the bakery. But at least humor me enough to get a blanket. You have to have one of those. Even 'real men' get cold," Iris finished with an eye roll.

"You're never going to let me live that man comment down are you? But I do have a blanket. I'll go get it. Does it have to be a certain color? I mean I don't want to ruin your picnic fantasy."

"Shut up and go get the blanket."

I walked up the stairs and turned into one of the unused bedrooms. Pulling open the door to the closet, I grabbed a thin blanket from the shelf. Iris was waiting by the door and we walked out, the blanket tucked under my arm. The sun was so warm and the air smelled fresh and clean. Iris's face lit up and she quickened her pace, the beautiful weather having an invigorating effect on her. A light breeze ruffled her hair and sent a few strands fluttering. Her eyes were sparkling. I found myself noticing small details about her that I hadn't before.

Like the way she smiled with her eyes. Or how she walked with a light bounce in her step. The slightly fruity smell coming off of her. I shook my head to clear the thoughts. I hadn't really looked closely at another person in a long time. And I needed to stop now if I was still to convince her of my brokenness. I realized that I hadn't been doing a very good job of it. In fact, to someone watching us talking at my house I would have looked perfectly normal.

Only someone who knew me well or paid extreme attention to detail would be able to pick out the tell tale signs. How I always kept distance between us, or held my hands awkwardly away from my body. How every now and then my body would tense up while I was battling the demons inside my head. How even though I was joking around I never laughed and my tone was a bit off.

I idly wondered if Iris had noticed any of these things. She hadn't given any indication of it but I wasn't sure if she truly hadn't been aware of it or was just too polite to react. We hadn't talked the whole walk but it was a comfortable silence. Not the awkward, unnerving silences that I was usually the cause of lately. By now we had reached the bakery. Iris waited patiently by the door as I moved to unlock it. But something caused me to freeze.

"I forgot it. I forgot to bring the key," I said apologetically.

Iris shook her head. "You're kidding right?"

"Well I was just so focused on choosing the perfect blanket I guess it slipped my mind." I knew exactly where it was too. In the pocket of my pants that laid crumpled in a heap on my bedroom floor.

Iris got a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

"Woah that look is scaring me. What are you about to do?"

"Stand back and give me some room to work."

To my surprise she reached up and pulled a pin out of her hair. She then proceeded to jam it into the lock and wiggle it around. After a few seconds a loud click was heard. She turned to me with a triumphant smile and easily turned the handle and pushed open the door.

"Where did you learn to do that?"

"I guess there's a lot you don't know about me Baker Boy." She stepped inside with a wink and a toss of her hair.

"Baker Boy?" I complained as I followed after her. "That better not become a permanent name."

"Then you'll just have to be really nice to me won't you? So this is your shop, you take over now and pick what we should bring."

I headed to the back motioning that she could follow me. Together we picked a loaf of sourdough that was the same kind I had sold to her that day a few weeks ago. Then I walked over to the fridge and found some cheese I kept in there for lunch while I was working.

"I think the apple tree in the back somehow survived everything. Why don't you go pick some while I wrap this up?"

Iris nodded her agreement and walked out the back door to complete the task. When she left I walked straight to the display window. Some of the cookies had been arranged in a cloth-lined basket. Carefully replacing the baked goods on a platter I took the basket and began to load our dinner in it. I figured Iris would be excited about the basket as it only took little things to make her happy. She had been out there a while so I decided to go see if she was ok.

A corner of my mouth almost turned up at the sight that met my eyes. Almost, but not quite. I didn't know what it would take to get me to smile again. But it was a funny spectacle. The apples were growing on branches that were above her reach. So she was jumping up trying to grab one but they persistently remained just out of her grasp.

Moving as quietly as I could, I snuck up behind her. Just as she was stretching on her toes I reached up and easily plucked the apple from the branch. Iris turned around and I placed it in her hands.

"Thank you but you didn't surprise me. You're really loud you know," she said, accepting the apples I continued handing to her.

"So I've been told," I stated grimly. Her words had brought back the memory of Katniss telling me that very thing in the first Games ages ago. Grief started to overwhelm me and I found myself sinking further and further into the pit of my misery.

A squeal of delight brought me back. "You found a basket! I knew this picnic was important to you too."

I dug my nails into my palms to stay in the present. "Well I'll tell you now that I'm not carrying it. Think what it would do to my reputation if I was seen walking around with a little basket."

"Of course. We can't risk that. But I don't think it will help your reputation either if everyone thinks you make a poor girl do all the work," she said smugly, thinking she had found a flaw in my story.

"You're not being very nice. Forcing me to carry a basket against my will after I so generously provided your dinner," I said while taking the basket in one hand and the blanket in the other. "You're lucky I'm such a gentleman."

Iris laughed. I didn't know how she could be so carefree, laughing over everything. Surely she had experienced loss and pain. Yet she was so optimistic. I would have asked her but it would have lead to a much deeper conversation, something I wasn't emotionally ready to have with anyone.

"Let's go or it's going to be dark before we even find a spot."

"How about the new park they built?" I suggested as we began walking. "If we're going to commit to our picnic cliché it has to be in a park."

"Sounds good to me."

After a short walk we came to the park and chose a place under a big shady tree. I spread out the blanket and sat down. Iris did too, kicking off her shoes. I unpacked the meal as she smoothed out every single wrinkle in the blanket.

"Getting a little obsessive there are you?" I questioned, beginning to slice the bread I had set out.

"Oh, sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it. I justHow HHHkhh

really like for things to be neat," she confessed, accepting the slice of bread layered with cheese that I handed to her.

"My house must have been a nightmare for you huh?" I teased, biting into the bread.

Iris shrugged. "Trust me, I've seen worse. My uncle was a drunk and he used to have the messiest house ever. Not just unorganized but dirty too. There was dirt everywhere and sometimes rats would even get in. The worst was one time there was even a wasp's nest hanging from his ceiling."

I hated wasps. My mind was unusually groggy and it took me a while to remember why I did. Tracker jackers. The nest Katniss dropped on me. The hijacking. My mind went black and I could feel the venom taking over. There was nothing I could do to fight it.

I was in danger. They were trying to kill me. Animal instincts told me to destroy anyone near me. I had absolutely no control over myself as I lunged straight for Iris's throat.


	10. Chapter 10

My fingers were just about to reach her neck. Just about to close around it and squeeze, squeeze every last bit of life from her. To stop the breathe, the in and out that gave her life. But then everything changed.

At the very last minute, she dodged out of the way. I had put all of my force into the lunge and I was thrown forward violently, landing face down on the ground. I started to get up but then I felt a weight on my back. Iris was using all of her strength to pin me down.

She barely weighed a thing; it should have been hard to throw her off. But the way she was gripping my arms to the ground, the precise placement of her weight made it nearly impossible. She began whispering softly in my ear, trying to soothe me. Apologizing for having to do this, saying it was the only way, and that she would be able to let go soon. I felt the fight going out of me. Sensing I wouldn't resist anymore, Iris removed one of her hands from my wrist and began to stroke my hair. She ran her long fingers through each strand, smoothing it down. The effect was extremely comforting and my eyelids began to droop involuntarily.

Slowly, I became aware of her climbing off and putting a small distance between us. I sat up. The confusion of it all had fought away the venom. My brain had been too busy processing the change of events to continue in my rampage. Now that I was calmed down I could realize the true horror of what I had just done.

I tried to force myself to speak, to put into words the indescribable feeling of revulsion I felt towards myself for what I just did. Nothing came out. I couldn't trust myself anymore. I was too unsafe, not in control of my own actions. I was a threat to her and I never wanted to put anyone in danger. Disgusted with myself and everything I was, I heaved myself off the ground and ran away, putting as much distance between us as I could so I would never hurt her again.

I could hear Iris calling to me, begging me to wait, to come back. But I couldn't turn around. What if it happened again? I didn't slow my pace until I reached my house and flung open the door, racing to my room. Once inside, I locked the door and threw myself into a huddle in the corner, tremors wracking my body.

Now not only had I tried to kill her, I had run away like a scared little boy and left her alone. I had done it to protect her, because I couldn't bear to let anyone suffer because of me. Yet I still felt horrible.

I lost track of time, spending what could have been hours or even a few days, locked inside my head, fighting back the monsters inside my thoughts. I didn't know what finally pushed me to move again, what invisible force caused me to try and continue living. But I found myself down in the kitchen, methodically preparing a meal. It consisted of stale bread and dried fruits and tasted like sawdust in my mouth. But it would sustain me; keep me alive even though I wasn't so sure that's what I wanted.

How could I live with myself when I had tried to kill someone who had done me no harm? Someone who had been nothing but incredibly kind? I was a mutt, a Capital created monster. I hated myself more than I had ever hated anybody else.

When I had finished my meal I showered and crawled into bed, regardless of the afternoon sunlight spilling in through the window. I would take small steps. Today I had eaten and cleaned myself up. Maybe tomorrow I would try to stay awake longer. Maybe I would give in to the safe façade of the bed and shut out the world again. I couldn't say what my source of strength would be or where it would come from. I couldn't even say if I would find any strength to keep going. But somehow I kept living.

Slowly I returned to my daily pattern. The routine I had settled into after my return to District 12. But I was even more removed from the world than before. Speaking even less than before, if that was even possible. I returned to the bakery but only my body was there. My mind was millions of miles away, fighting unimaginable battles with itself. People were even more wary of me now and I assumed it was because they had heard about what had happened with Iris. I couldn't explain why they still came. If I were them, I would without a doubt value my own life over a loaf of bread. But they kept coming and kept me alive in an indirect way.

I told myself that they were counting on me, that I was providing the food that kept me alive. That if I let myself check out, or stop trying to live, it would harm them. Technically it wasn't true, they would be able to continue on without me, but the thought kept me surviving.

I became an empty shell. Just a body, nothing inside of it. No hopes or desires or aspirations. All were wiped away by my suffering. But the emptiness was better than the pain of feeling.

Then one day Iris came in. She had kept her distance from me and I had been grateful for it. I didn't know how to face her. But she walked straight into the bakery, came directly to the counter and grabbed my hand.

I recoiled immediately. Her eyes stared into mine with a deep and startling intensity.

"Don't leave ok? You have to listen to me. If I let go you have to promise not to turn around and hide again." I couldn't promise any of that. I wasn't in any position to promise anyone anything. But my head nodded of its own accord.

She released me and took a deep breath. She was obviously struggling to find a place to start. Finally a look of resolve crossed over her face and she began.

"I am so sorry that had to happen to you. But please know that I don't resent you at all. That I know it was entirely out of your control and you wouldn't actually try and hurt me. I also want you to know that I didn't tell anyone about it because I didn't want you to be hurt. And I won't ever tell anyone, I'll carry it to the grave if that is what you want. But please, please don't shut me out. Wounds like theses can take a long time to heal but the process will only be slower if you don't let others help. Please Peeta. Please let me help you."

Her eyes were filled with tears but she kept them from spilling down her face. Held in her emotions with pure determination to protect me form more hurt. I didn't deserve any of her kindness or selflessness. I had never done anything for her and yet she wanted to heal me. I had never met anyone like her.

But that was exactly why I needed to stay away. She deserved the best of everything. I could only harm her.

Somehow I found my voice. It was rough and harsh and only proved my point even more. "Why are you here? Why are you being so nice to me? I tried to kill you!" I was almost screaming now, so horrified by myself. "I tried to kill you! Do you hear me? I tried to kill you!"

I was shaking all over. My hands were the worst, trembling so violently I couldn't even set them down on the counter. Iris stayed strong even in the face of the terrible words that had left my mouth.

"No you're wrong. You didn't try to kill me. The Capital did. That wasn't you."

"It was my hands that were about to close around your neck! My hands that were going to suffocate you, rip the life from you!"

"Peeta listen to me. I know that you didn't want to kill me. The hijacking is the reason for your actions. In fact, it's my fault for being so stupid and mentioning wasps."

This time the word didn't affect me, but what she was saying did. I laughed bitterly. "You did absolutely nothing wrong. Don't try and blame the monster that I am on yourself."

She grabbed my hand again, this time her grip strong and powerful instead of gentle and comforting. She spoke slowly, each syllable heavy with intensity.

"You are not a monster. You are the furthest possible thing from one."

I was silent. Iris stared at me, wordlessly begging me to believe what she had said. I couldn't. She must have sensed my conflict because her grasp on me became more determined. I knew that she wasn't going to leave until she had convinced me. I doubted it would ever happen.

In the front of the store, pushed against one of the side walls, there was a small couch. I had placed it there as a place for a child or a husband to wait while the mother or wife shopped. Iris dragged me over to it and I sat down somewhat uneasily. She sat next to me and turned so that we were facing. I was certain that nothing she could say would truly be able to pierce my misery.

"I know that you got hijacked. Most everyone does but almost none of them really know what it means. But coming from 6 I know. The doctor who invented it used to be my neighbor. I," she broke of now and I realized that her voice had been trembling and she had started shaking. I couldn't imagine what was causing her such pain. Though I was still scared I might hurt her and not really in any position to provide comfort I took her hand in mine. She looked down surprised but it seemed to provide her with strength.

"When a new medical procedure was developed it would be tested on lab animals. They were usually rabbits or rats and provided to the doctors by the Capital. But Dr. Kraus, he was the creator of the hijacking, was in a race with other scientists. They were the Capital's pets and they were all trying to please them by developing methods as quickly and inexpensively as possible. The lab animals cost a lot and could take a while to be delivered. Dr. Kraus found….. he found….. he found a way around it."

I was so confused. "What do you mean?"

She could barely meet my eyes but she lifted up her head. So much pain was written in her eyes that it hurt to look at them. What she was trying to say was causing her visible physical pain. Her teeth were clenched and she had to fight to make each word come out.

"My father was a doctor too. Dr. Kraus was in more power than him and my father was always trying to suck up to him, it was disgusting. My father told him that he had found a way for Kraus to test his experimental hijacking method instantly and for free. He….my father….he gave me to him. Kraus used me for all his tests, treating me as he would one of the animals that were supposed to be used. The method had many flaws, many horrible flaws. But he kept testing it on me. I couldn't resist. Kraus had many 'friends' that could have executed my entire family, all my friends, anyone I had ever been close to. So I was forced to be his rat. I am the first person ever to be hijacked."

**A/N Please review! I need to know if you like it to decide to keep going. So if you do like it let me know or if you have a suggestion tell me and I will consider it. Thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11

Complete and utter shock caused me to freeze. I was unable to process what she had just told me. She had been through it too. She knew exactly what the torture was like. She had experienced all of the fear and uncertainty and self-loathing that came along with it. And she had survived. Somehow she had fought it and become the laughing smiling person that she now was. Or usually was, for the person before me was as far from smiling as possible.

My hands were still wrapped around hers so I gave what I hoped was a reassuring squeeze. I continued to let the information flow over me, trying to comprehend it all. The hijacking had been hell for me but I couldn't imagine her experience. When it had been performed on me it was a perfected procedure. The process to get it there must have been unimaginably difficult and painful. And Iris had had to endure it all.

Worse still, she had been turned over by her own father. The person who was supposed to protect her in everything, subjecting her to terrifying pain and horror. Even thinking about it was heartbreaking, to have lived it, well I don't even have an idea of what that must have been like.

Pulling myself from my thoughts, I looked up at Iris. She was deathly pale. Her eyes were wide, the pupils dilated.

"I've never told anyone that before. The only people who knew were Kraus and my family. They kept me locked in the house so no one would witness my episodes. So no one could come to my rescue."

"I don't know what to say."

"Please don't say anything. I'm too afraid to talk about it right now. I'll calm myself down and tell you more but right now I just can't."

Something deep inside me urged me to put my arm around her. I did and pulled her close. It was the closest I had been to anybody in longer than I could even remember. The warmth from her body, her rapid heartbeat accelerated by fear, felt foreign against me. Iris trembled against me but stayed silent. No sobs escaped her lips, no whimper or cry.

I don't know how long we sat like that before she drew away from me. Taking only a moment, she composed herself and straightened her back, shoulders squared.

"I'm sorry for that. I should be stronger."

"Don't apologize. You have every right to be a complete wreck and yet you are so strong."

Iris steadied herself with a deep breath and continued. "Finally when hijacking had been perfected, Kraus turned over the knowledge to the Capital. He never admitted that the test subject had been a human but I doubt they would have cared anyway. You of all people know how little they value life. He became one of the Capital's favorites for providing them with their new favorite method of torture. So he moved out there and I never saw him again. The only small bit of mercy of the entire thing."

"I am so sorry." I didn't know what to say. But then I asked the question gnawing at my brain. "I'm not exactly sure how to say this so forgive me if I say anything that offends you. But how did you recover? You seem so normal, so to say, no episodes or flashbacks. How do you do it?"

I hadn't expected her response to my question. Before she had seemed like she had slightly recovered from the pain of sharing her story with me. But all progress she had made completely disappeared. The shaking returned with a ferociousness even stronger than before. She clamped her eyes shut and covered them with her fists. I didn't know how I had caused this but the fact that I had haunted me. I pulled her even closer.

"I will tell you but I can't handle it now." It got worse? "I promise I will tell you but please don't ask me to yet."

"I won't do anything you don't want me to," I assured her. Gently removing my arm from her shoulders, I stood up and walked to the back of the bakery. I returned with a glass of water. Iris accepted it without a word. She took small sips, not stopping until she had slowly drunken every drop. Setting the cup down on a small table beside the couch her hands stayed steady.

"That's why when we were in the park I knew exactly what to do. I've had many of my own rages like that so I can understand what was going through your head. But do you understand now that I don't resent you at all?"

I never thought I would meet someone else who had experienced the hijacking. Now that I had I wasn't sure what to make of it. But somehow I did feel less guilty. Iris knew that I would never actually try and hurt her. She didn't blame me because she had done exactly the same before.

"Can you please forgive me?" I pleaded.

"You did nothing wrong but yes. Peeta, I forgive you."

Her words washed over me and soothed my doubts. I didn't know what else to say to her but knew that after the moment we had shared it would be nearly impossible to go separate ways for now.

"Would you like to go for dinner?" I asked my voice oddly cordial.

Iris looked surprised but I could see a glimmer of hope that I wasn't going to shut her out. "I would like that. But I'm not really in any condition to go anywhere. Would you mind if we went to my house?"

Nodding my consent, I realized that I didn't even know in which part of the district she lived. We both walked to the door and stepped outside as I locked the bakery behind us. The silent walk to Iris's house took about ten minutes. She pointed out which house belonged to her.

It was smaller than my mansion in Victor's Villages but bigger than the house I had lived in before the reaping. When Iris had talked before about buildings being beautiful I hadn't understood what she meant. But now I got it. Everything about the house flowed seamlessly together, from the quaint looking shutters to the warmly painted front door. I couldn't put my finger on it but the house looked like it was hiding a secret. A delightful one that the world couldn't wait to find out. But for now it was holding onto the little secret, the thing that gave it its charm.

"Did you design this?" I almost whispered; the house had a strange effect on me.

"Yes, a lot of the houses here are going to be built using a similar model. Do you like it?"

I nodded and followed her through the door. The inside was just as lovely. The furniture and paint colors were inviting and homey yet modern at the same time. At Iris's invitation, I sat down at the wooden kitchen table.

Silent once again, Iris bustled around the kitchen, pulling out food from the fridge and heating it up, chopping vegetables to put together in a salad. One of the things about having to rebuild almost the entire district was that all of the houses had very up to date technology especially in the kitchen. I offered my help and she soon had me setting the table as our meal cooked on the stove.

"You know when I invited you to dinner I didn't mean for you to make it for me," I said when I had finished my task.

"It's fine. You know it's strange but I always feel that cooking comforts me, gives me something to do with my hands." I was surprised that she felt that way. Baking had always had the same effect on me as well.

While the food continued to cook Iris excused herself for a moment, mumbling something about looking a mess. I didn't see what she meant but I returned to the seat at the table.

Thinking back to this morning I couldn't help but be amazed by the day's change of events. When I woke up I had been expecting another empty day, pouring myself into my work and desperately trying not to feel anything, only to come home to a dark house full of nightmares. But the things Iris had said to me had changed everything. It was the last thing I had expected her to say and yet probably the only thing she could have to take away my guilt.

But now more than anything I needed to find out how she had gotten over it. There was almost nothing I wouldn't do to get rid of my episodes and flashbacks. And I couldn't fathom what had caused her to break down when I asked how she had healed. It was all I could do not to ask her again. But after her strength in sharing the secret with me there was no way I was going to cause her anymore pain by pressing the subject.

Iris returned in a plain shirt and pants. She had brushed out her long waves and secured them once top of her head and they tumbled the rest of the way down her back. Most of the redness was gone from her eyes and I could see that she had washed her face. The traces of the light makeup she wore was gone, leaving behind only her true features. Yet now that I had seen her without it I couldn't understand why she felt the need to put it on in the first place. Her skin was impossibly smooth, her eyes striking, her lips a bright pink. I had registered her beauty before but now it hit me full force. Even trying not at all she was truly breathtaking.

Just then a timer rang and I was shaken out of my thoughts. Iris glided over to the stove and turned down the heat. Reaching into the cabinet next to her, she pulled out two bowls and began ladling the soup into it.

"I know it's not really a summer dish," she said almost apologetically. "But hot soup always calms me down. I hope you don't mind?"

"No it sounds perfect, thank you," I accepted my bowl.

We ate in silence for a few minutes, exhausted by the day's events and allowing the strength from the food to flow into us. Finally Iris broke the quiet.

"I'm sorry you had to see me that way. I had promised myself that I was going to be strong and not break down. But I guess I was just too weak."

"Actually I'm amazed at how strong you are. And you have no idea what your words meant to me. This is the longest I've been aware of the world around me since the picnic. And it's all because of you."

She stared down at the table, her hair falling forward to hide her face. I got the urge to push it back, tuck it behind her ears so that I could look into her eyes. My hand reached out but I forced it to grab my soup spoon instead.

"I won't really be able to thank you as many times as I would like but for now let's stop talking about it. Not healthy to wallow around in pain, trust me I know," I finished with a wry smile.

"You're right. You know it's kind of funny. I told you a secret about me that I have never shared with anyone else and yet I barely know anything about you. Well besides that things from the interviews, but something tells me those aren't truly you. So tell me about yourself," she requested.

It was true what she had said, about not really being myself in those interviews. Yet I had no idea where to begin. "What should I tell you?"

"Anything. I don't care if it's insignificant. Just tell me anything about yourself."

"Well my favorite food is bread if you can imagine."

She threw back her head and laughed. "Come on, that's way too cliché. Tell me you're joking."

"No, it's true," I protested. "A person would have to love it to spend as much time with it as I do."

"True. My favorite is strawberries but I don't have as good a reason for it as you do. Although I have to say, your sourdough bread might be a close second."

"Not your first favorite? I'm offended."

"I'm just not that impressed with your quality. I think it's because you can get away with it because you are the only bakery in the district. I may have to open one up to just to give you some competition," she joked. "I'll be designing it so we know that the building will be prettier."

"You know I might be forced out of business then. So many of my customers these days have been complaining about the building. They say that it's not pretty enough and it makes them lose their appetite for bread."

"They can all come to me then. But don't worry, I'll still remember you when I'm rich," she said sticking out her tongue.

I laughed at the childish gesture. "Ok, your turn. What's something about you?"

She scrunched up her eyebrows in thought. "When I was little I wanted to grow up and be president. I was going to build everybody castles to live in and make everyone dress up every day. And I was going to go around visiting the districts in a carriage, tossing candy for all the kids."

"Sounds like you'd make a pretty good one. I wouldn't mind living in a castle with candy." Sure most of it was unrealistic but it was a nice world to imagine. One where everyone had a warm place to live and enough to eat. After the rebellion life throughout Panem had changed drastically for the better but sometimes cute fantasies were still pleasant to imagine.

"My plans were pretty advanced for a little kid. I had everything worked out. But I think I like what I'm doing now better. Even if I don't get to wear a crown."

"I bet you are going to be shocked by my answer. Growing up I dreamed about becoming a baker. Try and contain you surprise."

"Why does everything always seem to come back to bread with you?" she teased.

"Hey baking isn't a job it's a lifestyle."

Iris cracked up. "That's the worst saying I have ever heard in my life!"

"Make fun of me if you want. Ok so now what? In school I used to be a wrestler. In the school wide competition I placed second after my older brother."

"It that supposed to impress me?" she asked jokingly.

"Only if it worked," I playfully responded.

"Not answering that one," she winked. "I used to run."

"For school?"

"No," she stated simply. I waited for her to elaborate but she gave no more information and something in her tone kept me from asking. "But I used to run all the time. Made me feel free, you know. Oh, favorite color that's a basic one right? Mine is blue."

"Orange. A muted one, like sunset." With a jolt I remembered saying the same thing to Katniss. It was the first time I had thought of her all day, a surprising feat. And even more shocking was that I wasn't overcome with missing her. In fact I found myself not wanting to think about her. I resented her for trying to claim my attention for any longer. I was enjoying myself and right now Iris was the only one I wanted to think about. It was a freeing feeling and I felt lighter than I had in a long time.

"Really?" she asked a smile spreading across her face. "Well then come one." She grabbed my hand and let me out to the back porch.

The sight before me took my breath away. Soft oranges and yellow exploded across the sky shot through with streaks of pink. The sun was low on the horizon, a gentle yet powerful glowing orb of beautiful orange.

Impulsively I wrapped my arm around Iris and pulled her into me. She rested her head against me and together we watched the sunset. In longer than I could remember I felt truly happy.


	12. Chapter 12

When I returned home that night a change had come over me. The house still felt empty and cold but now I felt like I could face it knowing that not all of my life held the same qualities. Iris had done the impossible. She had made me smile and laugh and actually want to live. Not only to survive but to experience what life has to offer.

Being with Iris, sharing the moments that we did, I began to think things previously unthinkable. I had heard the saying everything happened for a reason before. And I think I finally understood what it meant.

Iris and I didn't have a romantic relationship. But I felt an indescribable bond towards her. And felt that maybe we could if I opened that door. When Katniss had left I had felt my life couldn't go on, I could never love again.

I had loved her my whole life, had never considered another option. But what if it was meant to be? What if I was never meant to end up with her because there was someone else out there for me? It was almost impossible to comprehend. But what if?

I fell asleep quickly and had not even one nightmare. When I woke up I didn't have to drag myself up, I felt fresh and ready to take on the day. The change was complete and instantaneous and shocking. My personality had turned around entirely.

I still wasn't able to bring myself to speak to the people who came into the bakery the next day but the silence felt less bitter. It was still going to take time for me to heal and I probably would never completely, but for now I was making progress.

Closing up the shop at the end of the day, I decided that I wanted to see Iris. Whatever it was, being around her made me feel better. Feeling that it was rude enough to be showing up at her house completely unannounced, I decided to bring something along with me. After less than a minute a ruled out bread, too indifferent. Despite not having set foot in it for the longest time, I made up my mind to go to the market.

Once there I could feel all the eyes on me, hear all the hushed voices. But I kept my head high and didn't acknowledge any of it. The poor old woman running the flower stand nearly had a heart attack at the sight of me approaching. I knew that I had been distant for quite some time now but hadn't expected such a reaction.

Casually browsing the selection, my eyes caught on a bunch of bright blue flowers. They were delicate and beautiful, perfect for Iris.

"What kind are these?" I asked gesturing to them.

The woman, who I now recognized as Ilona one of 12's original citizens, was on the verge of fainting. It was odd to see myself having such an effect on people. But I guess that had grown used to me keeping entirely to myself and were not prepared for me interacting again.

"Well now dear, those are irises. Pretty flowers."

I laughed out loud frightening Ilona even more. How strange this must all seem to them. That I just woke up one morning and had suddenly become a person again.

But there was no way I could give Iris irises. She had said blue was her favorite color and these were a stunning shade. But it was just too cheesy, giving her a gift of her namesake flowers.

Instead my gaze was caught by a bundle of bright sunflowers. Around the stems a baby blue ribbon had been tied. Well that would be one way to give her a little of her favorite color. And I also recalled her mentioning her love for summer, these flowers practically screamed summer.

"I'll take those please," I pointed and pulled a few coins from my pocket. It was plain to see that Ilona was dying to ask who I was buying them for but she bit her tongue. Picking them up from the cart she handed them over and named the price.

When I handed her the correct number of coins she surprised me by giving my hand a warm squeeze.

"Good to see you again sonny." Her eyes were full of caring.

I gave her a light smile despite how intensely her words struck me. Never before had I thought that the others around here had missed me or even worried about me. Also the words reminded me just how much the former Peeta was not me.

As I left the market more people stopped what they were doing to clap me on the back. I was almost choked up by their show of love but I hid it and gave them grateful nods, not really trusting myself to speak. 

My feet remembered the path to Iris's and I was soon at her door, the sunflowers in hand. Strangely nervous, I ran a hand over my hair and knocked on the door. I wanted to laugh at myself. I was acting like young boy about to ask a girl on their first date. I hope I didn't appear that way.

Iris answered the door, smiling when she discovered it was me.

"So you found out how to go somewhere besides the bakery, eh?" Then spying the flowers, "Oh! Are those for me?"

I nodded and handed them over. "I felt strange just showing up on your doorstep so I figured it would be more polite if I came bearing gifts."

"That was very sweet of you. Come in?" It was a question, testing the boundaries. I could tell she was unsure what to make of the new me. I accepted the invitation.

"Here you can come with me, I just have to find a vase for these flowers."

Soon the sunflowers had been placed in a vase filled with water and set in the center of the kitchen table.

"They look nice there. Thank you."

"You're welcome. You should have been at the market though. People looked at me as if I had risen from the dead or something. Although I suppose in a way I did. Anyway, you would have laughed at their expressions."

"I bet you they were going crazy trying to figure out who you were buying them for," Iris giggled mischievously. "All the girls probably wished it was them. Panem's most eligible bachelor buys flowers for mystery girl. I can see the headlines."

I rolled my eyes. "I hardly think of myself as newsworthy. Plus up until yesterday, the 'bachelor' couldn't even speak to other people."

"I think they missed you. You know you are a rather charming person when you aren't staring blankly into nothing and not saying a word."

"What a compliment," I said sarcastically. "What were you doing before I interrupted?"

"Don't always make yourself out to be so rude. You came bringing me flowers, it was hardly an interruption. But I was just about to start working on some floor plans for houses that are going to be built. When the weather is nice I like to work on them outside."

"I don't want to get in the way of your work. You still can do that, I could join you."

"I'm a pretty boring person when I'm working."

"I'll find a way to occupy myself. It's been a while since I sketched anything. If you had paper to spare I think it would be a nice way to spend the rest of the day."

Soon we were seated outside under the shade of a leafy tree, both absorbed in our tasks and yet entirely aware of the other. Every once in a while we would break the rhythmic scratching of the pencils on paper to talk. Nothing we discussed had any real value or importance yet that made it worth even more.

We spent a lot of the next week together as well. Sometimes Iris would stop by the bakery or other times I would find her working outside. One time we ran into each other while both on errands and a few times each we went to the other's house.

I enjoyed every minute of the time I spent with her no matter what we were doing. It escaped me why but one day I finally discovered the answer. She was, in nearly every way, Katniss's opposite. Physically as well as personality-wise.

Where Katniss had had olive skin and harsh grey eyes, Iris had a creamy pale complexion and her green eyes radiated kindness and compassion. Katniss had kept her starkly dark hair always down her back in a braid. Iris's reddish-brown locks tumbled freely over her slim shoulders. Both were of slender slight builds but where Katniss had been all sharp angles, Iris was delicate. Katniss's mouth had always been set in a hard line while Iris's was constantly parting in a wide smile.

Being a hunter, Katniss had been agile and Iris was clumsy. Katniss was cold and distrustful; Iris was open and easy to talk to. Katniss ranked survival above all while Iris put others first. I now realized that everything Iris had was what I needed.

And the traits that had first led me to fall in love with Katniss were all present in Iris. Iris was a fighter, had courage, strength, and determination. I found myself slowly thinking of Katniss less and Iris more and more.

There were times over the course of the week that I caught myself wanting nothing more than to take Iris in my arms and kiss her, somehow express everything I was feeling. But I refrained. I would rather hold myself back the risk losing the friendship we shared.

But after two more weeks together I finally decided I had tortured myself enough. I needed to find out if Iris felt any of the same feelings for me. We had been sitting on the couch in her living room. I never used my own television but we had been watching a documentary on the histories of different buildings. For me it had been rather boring but interested Iris even more than she let on. I was beginning to be able to read her emotions and could tell this was for some reason important to her.

The entire thing hadn't been dull as Iris would often spout other interesting facts about the buildings being shown. She knew just as much as the speaker on the show, perhaps more. I had been content to listen to her random blurbs or information and mostly just watch her reactions.

When something excited her, her cheeks would flush. Something confusing would cause her to chew on her bottom lip. Everything about her face was expressive from the way she would raise her eyebrows down to wrinkling her nose.

This time when I felt the impulse to kiss her I acted on it. I needed to know how she felt. My hand reached out and touched her cheek, effectively drawing her attention away from the television. Her eyes were full of an emotion I couldn't place. Slowly I leaned forward. Our faces were only inches apart when she broke away with a strangled sob.

I jerked back my hand and tried to mask my embarrassment and hurt. I guess I found my answer.

"I so sorry, it's not what it seems like," she almost pleaded.

"It's fine, Iris I might have been too forward." She looked on the verge of a breakdown and I couldn't believe it was because of me.

"No it's not you. I….I…Remember how when I told you about the hijacking? How you had asked me what fixed it and I told you I didn't feel strong enough to tell you then?"

I nodded, completely mystified as to how it related to any of this.

"Well I think I'm going to have to force myself to answer you. You deserve to know this before anything else. I'm afraid it might change what you think of me. I'm scared that after you won't want to kiss me but you have to know."


	13. Chapter 13

I was really scared now. Not only by her words but the horribly heartbreaking voice she was speaking in. There was absolutely nothing I could even imagine that would be making her act like this. But seeing her in pain hurt me. I reached for her hand to comfort her. She pulled it away and I felt physical pain.

"This is going to be unbelievably hard for me. I'm sorry. After Kraus had moved to the Capital, my father wanted even more to move up into power so he could share the same fate. He knew nothing if how to be as successful. He knew none of Kraus's secrets. Except for one, the one he himself had created. The idea to use a person as the test subject.

"At that time my hijacking episodes were worse than ever. I had no idea when they were coming and when they did I could destroy half the house before I calmed down. And that was on a good day. I was around 13 at the time. My family didn't want anyone to find out about it. They didn't want anyone to know the horrible thing they did. They kept me locked up inside the house constantly. I wasn't allowed to leave. I was forced to drop out of school, I never got to see my friends. The only time I saw anything but the walls of my house was when I would sneak out and go running. Every time I would convince myself that I was just going to keep going to escape all of this. But every time I returned.

"I was actually considering taking my own life when…. when….. when," Iris sobbed. She became unable to speak, choking on her tears and trembling forcefully. She was weeping, tears flooding down her face, awful agonizing noises coming from her mouth.

Burying her face in her hands, Iris rocked back and forth. Curled up in a tiny ball, trying to disappear. I moved towards her, desperately needing to provide her comfort. But she shrank away from my touch, pushing against the side of the couch, as far from me as possible.

All I could do was sit there helpless and watch. Over thirty minutes of torture passed before she had quieted. Still huddled in a heap, hiccupping, face wet with tears, but the sobbing had stopped.

I tried to say something but all that came out was a small noise in between a coo and a whimper. This time when I reached out she didn't pull away. Hesitantly I pulled her into my side. When she sank into me, I used the hem of my shirt to clear the tears from her cheeks. We sat like this for quite some time before she sat up and looked at me.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't do it. I don't have enough strength right now. It seems like I'm always breaking down in front of you. I'm so sorry."

"Stop apologizing. You haven't done anything wrong. You don't have to tell me if you're not ready. I can wait," I said stroking back her hair.

"Somehow I will find a way to tell you. You'll be the only person who knows this secret too."

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No please go home. I need to be alone right now."

Her words felt like a slap to the face. I wanted to be the one to help her, to heal her. But she didn't want me here.

"Of course, if that's what you need." I stood up to leave.

"Wait!" Iris grabbed my hand. To my surprise she brought it to her face and held it there for a moment. "Promise me you'll come back? Don't let me have scared you away. Please come back tomorrow. Promise me?"

How could I stay away? "I promise."

Her eyes closed and she dropped my hand, resting her head on the arm of the couch. Quietly, as not to disturb her, I walked out the door and shut it softly behind me.

I spent the whole walk to my house in a confused, pain-filled daze. What secret was she keeping that was causing her so much agony? What had she been through? Just how dark had her past really been?

From the outside Iris seemed perfect, beautiful, smiling, laughing. Yet something she was keeping inside was eating away at her. I wanted to, needed to find out. Somehow I had to help her. Seeing her in pain hurt me more than I could have known.

I had trouble sleeping that night. All I could see was Iris's agonized face, all I could hear were her heartbroken sobs. The next morning kept myself busy cleaning the house, doing something to stay occupied until it was an acceptable hour for me to go to Iris. I had decided not to open the bakery that day but instead devote it to Iris.

When I knocked on her door I was surprised by the person who answered it. Iris looked nothing like how she had the night before. She was dressed in a light cotton nightgown, her hair hung in a tangled curtain down her back, but her eyes were bright. She held a mug of coffee in one hand and had the other resting on the door.

"Is this too early? I didn't wake you up did I?" Seeing her in her pajamas, hair unbrushed I was worried that I had come at too early an hour.

"No, you're perfect. I just haven't bothered to get ready yet. But come in."

I followed after her, my eyes fixating on her long white legs in the nightgown and the way her hair swung and bounced with each step. Shaking my head I refocused my attention. Iris had a light smile on her face as she offered me a cup of coffee. I accepted and we were soon seated on plush chairs in the house's cozy study. I noticed that she avoided the room where we had spoken last night but I didn't say anything.

We sipped the drinks and stared at the morning light spilling through the window for a minute before either of us spoke.

"You know I was a little worried you weren't going to come," Iris confessed.

"I promised didn't I? And what would have kept me from it?"

"I wasn't exactly pleasant company last night. I would have understood if you wanted distance from me after seeing that."

"I'm not going to leave you just because you've had a painful past." She opened her mouth to argue but I cut her off. "And don't say anything about you being weak. Because it isn't true. Anyone who can survive so much pain and still be able to face the day is impossibly strong. Remember that."

Iris smiled. We sat there for a while, talking about nothing in particular but just enjoying being in each other's presence. Later Iris excused herself to go get ready. When she returned we went for a walk, spending the rest of the day together.

Near the end of the walk we crossed paths with Greasy Sae who was out with her granddaughter. She almost stopped in her tracks at the sight of me hand in hand with Iris. Her eyes jumped between the two of us connecting things. I could tell she was thinking about Katniss but I was happy to say she had been the furthest thing from my mind before.

"Good afternoon," she said cautiously.

"Good afternoon," we chorused.

"Nice weather isn't it?" She was obviously surprised to see me out and to discover I was with Iris. A devilish idea formed in my head. As Iris continued to make small talk with Sae I leaned down and whispered in her ear.

"Just play along okay."

To Iris's credit she didn't skip a beat and continued talking with Sae even though a light film of confusion showed in her eyes.

"I was just out to see if there were any wild herbs growing here to spice up some stews. Every now and then we'll be sent some fancy food from the new Capital. But I prefer using ingredients from 12," Sae said.

I nodded. "Makes sense. We were just out for a walk, no particular reason."

And with that I took Iris in my arms and kissed her. Even though I desperately wanted to see Sae's reaction all I could register was Iris's lips on mine. They were warm and soft and I don't think I would have stopped if she hadn't pulled away.

The look in Iris's eyes told me I would be hearing about it later but I didn't care. Sae's face was a mask of shock and amazement. It took all I had into me not to laugh. She quickly excused herself and hurried away. No doubt the gossip would be flying around the town before the end of the day.

As soon as she was gone Iris punched me in the arm. "Peeta Mellark!"

"What?" I asked feigning innocence.

"You can't just kiss somebody just to get a reaction out of someone else! You are much sneakier than I ever thought you to be."

"I'm sorry but you can't say the look on her face wasn't worth it."

A small laugh escaped her lips. "That's beside the point."

"So you admit it!"

"It was funny," she allowed. "Really funny. But that doesn't change the fact that our first kiss was a joke."

I liked how she said our first kiss. "Does it help if I say that that kiss wasn't a joke at all? That I completely mean it and have been wanting to do that forever?"

Then the rest of the world completely melted away as she leaned in and kissed me again.


	14. Chapter 13 Part 2

**A/N Read this! Very important!**

**So in one of the reviews I got someone mentioned that they thought what Peeta did at the end of the last chapter was out of character. They thought they he would make their first kiss be different. So I made sort of an alternate ending to the previous chapter, another version of Iris and Peeta's first kiss. Nothing about this changes any of the rest of the story line, the next chapter will be the same regardless of which version. So you can pick which one you like better and fit it in to the rest of the story. Enjoy!**

When I knocked on her door I was surprised by the person who answered it. Iris looked nothing like how she had the night before. She was dressed in a light cotton nightgown, her hair hung in a tangled curtain down her back, but her eyes were bright. She held a mug of coffee in one hand and had the other resting on the door.

"Is this too early? I didn't wake you up did I?" Seeing her in her pajamas, hair unbrushed I was worried that I had come at too early an hour.

"No, you're perfect. I just haven't bothered to get ready yet. But come in."

I followed after her, my eyes fixating on her long white legs in the nightgown and the way her hair swung and bounced with each step. Shaking my head I refocused my attention. Iris had a light smile on her face as she offered me a cup of coffee. I accepted and we were soon seated on plush chairs in the house's cozy study. I noticed that she avoided the room where we had spoken last night but I didn't say anything.

We sipped the drinks and stared at the morning light spilling through the window for a minute before either of us spoke.

"You know I was a little worried you weren't going to come," Iris confessed.

"I promised didn't I? And what would have kept me from it?"

"I wasn't exactly pleasant company last night. I would have understood if you wanted distance from me after seeing that."

"I'm not going to leave you just because you've had a painful past." She opened her mouth to argue but I cut her off. "And don't say anything about you being weak. Because it isn't true. Anyone who can survive so much pain and still be able to face the day is impossibly strong. Remember that."

Iris smiled. We sat there for a while, talking about nothing in particular but just enjoying being in each other's presence. Later Iris excused herself to go get ready. When she returned we went for a walk, spending the rest of the day together.

..

During the walk we once again stayed on light topics of conversation but I only enjoyed myself more because of it. Iris had a great sense of humor, clever and quick with a comeback. It was very similar to my own in that it was at times sarcastic, dry, and ironic and other times witty and playful. Yet different enough so that banter passed between us effortlessly. I was beginning to think that her laugh was my favorite sound in the world. It was bright and clear, ringing out into the air, filling up a room, brightening the day. Sometimes when she was really laughing hard she would give a little snort. It was charming and endearing.

At one point in our walk something I said struck her as particularly funny. Her shoulders shook and a light snort came out of her mouth. She flushed and covered her mouth with both hands. But I drew them away.

"Stop, it's cute," I said and her blush deepened with happiness. I wanted nothing more than to always be able to make her laugh.

Soon the sky began to darken and we watched another sunset together. Her house was only a few minutes away so we returned to it. Once we had gotten in the door Iris's stomach growled. She looked down at it in surprise.

"Did you realize that we haven't eaten anything all day?" she asked in disbelief. "I didn't even notice."

"Me either. Should we make a dinner?"

"Sounds good but to be honest I'm not sure how much food I have. I think pretty much everything in my pantry is just random ingredients. We'll have to start from scratch," she warned.

An idea popped into my head. I had never done it before but had enough experience that it shouldn't be too hard. It was important to me and now was the perfect time.

"Why don't I teach you how to bake bread?"

"Yes! I'd like that," she said. "But wait aren't you scared I'll be better than you?" she questioned mischievously.

"Not a chance Hemway."

"Bring it Mellark," she challenged with a smile.

"You're pretty cocky for a beginner. You better watch yourself or I'm not going to tell you all the secrets," I teased.

"If you deem me worthy enough to learn the secrets of your trade I promise I will guard them with my life," she said with mock seriousness.

"Come on," I grabbed her wrist and dragged her to the kitchen. We both washed our hands, laughing and splashing each other with water. Then I instructed Iris on the ingredients we needed to find and we set to work placing them on the freshly wiped counter.

"I figured we'd make sourdough since it's your favorite and it's relatively easy to make," I said, taking in the rows of flour and eggs and milk. "Do you have any big baking sheets?"

Iris rummaged through a cabinet and soon produced a metal tray perfect for baking. I then got to work mixing together the ingredients in a large bowl, explaining each step and the correct measurements as I went along. I soon became aware that I was taking on the somewhat droning tune that all of my previous instructors in school seemed to have.

Iris obviously noticed too because presently she raised her hand in the air, playing the part of the student.

"Yes Ms. Hemway," I prompted, trying to give my voice the nasally quality that all teachers seemed to posses and annoyed their pupils to no end.

She stood at attention, playfully continuing the classroom charade. "Wouldn't you say, Professor Mellark, that students absorb information better in a hands-on environment?"

"I suppose you're right. Are you hinting that you want to try this yourself?"

"May I please?" she jokingly batted her eyes.

I caught my breath. What she had meant as a joke was actually making my knees weak. She really had no idea how beautiful she was or the effect she could have on me. Refocusing on the work in front of me, I carefully poured half of the mixture from my bowl into another one for Iris to work with. I demonstrated each step and she followed along.

Next I showed her how to place the dough on the sheet and knead it. My hands followed the pattern I had performed countless times without me even having to think about it. While my hands were busy with the bread I let my eyes wander over to Iris.

Her tongue was stuck out in concentration. A few strands of hair had escaped from where she pulled it back to work. Her long fingers were buried in the dough, working furiously to try and replicate the movements I had showed her. After a little she looked up expectantly to see how she had done and I had to quickly divert my eyes to keep from being caught staring at her. I took only a moment to check her work and then approve of it.

"Looks like you're a natural," I said gathering up both of our trays and carrying them to the oven.

"I knew it," she said sticking out her tongue. "I always had a feeling that architecture was just a passing hobby. That my true calling was in baking."

"Not so fast," I warned. "We'll have to wait until it comes out of the oven. Then we'll taste it and see if you really did do a good job." I slid the baking sheets into the oven and closed the door, shutting off the blast of hot air from my face. "I still have my doubts," I teased.

"Oh ye of little faith," she scolded me.

I took in the sight of her. Glossy hair framing her face, cheeks pink from the hot oven, a smudge of flour across her forehead. Once again I felt the urge to kiss her. But this time I didn't suppress it. I leaned in to her and our lips met. Hers were soft and full, warm and sweet. The rest of the world around me completely melted away as I lost myself in the kiss.


	15. Chapter 15

Too soon she pulled away. I kept my arms around her though and looked into her eyes. She gave me a shy smile. My heart literally stopped at the sight of her. Nothing outside of the two of us mattered to me. When I went home that night I never stopped thinking about her.

I lay in bed with a smile on my face. I could finally feel myself starting to heal. I wanted to be with Iris, to see her every day, to laugh with her, to build a history together. After only a month or so together and one kiss, I already knew that she was meant to be a part of my life.

But I still had unfinished business. I had never completely, solidly, without a doubt come to terms with my thoughts for Katniss. It was going to be painful. But just like a splinter needs to be pulled out or the wound will only get worse, it was something I had to do.

Deciding to start with the easy, the least painful, I began to conjure up an image of her inside my head. Olive skin, dark hair, fierce eyes. I gave the image her strong posture and scowl. I tried to remember the woodsy smell, the clear sound of her voice.

Then I filed through small details from my memories of her. Her favorite color was green. She loved the cheese buns I used to make. The wrinkle between her eyes when she worked through something confusing in her head. She almost always kept her hair in a braid down her back. Nothing annoyed her more than when people interrupted her while she was talking. Dressing up was a chore for her but she had put up with it to please Cinna.

Next I moved on to the harder things. I tried to stay completely objective. An examination of personality traits and events, keeping emotions out of the way. I wanted to look at this clinically to keep it from becoming too hard. I couldn't lose my strength half way through.

She didn't like to let people in but once she had, she loved fiercely and passionately. Her pride was important to her. She hated to appear weak. Owing people made her feel uncomfortable and guilty. It was hard to read her; she kept her emotions sealed tightly away inside of her. Survival was her strongest instinct.

I let myself remember the reasons I had loved her. Each one sent a knife through my heart. After feeling an emotion for more than ten years it was not going to be easy to let go of. So much of my life had been consumed with adoring her from a distance, trying to work up the courage to speak to her, fighting to save her, longing for her to return my feelings. And above all, the unchanging constant in a life that had been turned inside out and upside down, the unconditional, even irrational, unfailing love.

More difficult still, I recounted all we had been through. The reaping, my declaration of love to the entire country during the first interview, the Games themselves and within them, the healing of my leg by risking her life at the feast, the horrible mutts, the bloody brutal fight with Cato, the agonizing final night listening to his screams, the rule change that had meant one of us had to die, the berries that came to hold so much significance, the rehabilitation afterwards, all the interviews that followed.

The victory tour, the stop in 11 where my gift to Rue and Thresh's families and Katniss's speeches led to the deaths, the nights spent in each other's arms to ward away the ever present nightmares, the forced public proposal, the return home to the cold of lives where we no longer knew our place.

The Quarter Quell, our second games, my reveal of our child that was another ploy to keep her alive, the risky alliance, my near fatal encounter with the force field, all the horrors each hour of the jungle brought, the explosion in the end.

Later, without her but still connected, my torture in the Capital, the unbearable weeks where I had given up all hope of living, the unimaginable pain, the hijacking.

My arrival in 13 after the rescue mission, the way I almost killed her in a fit of tracker jacker venom, the rebel mission that she orchestrated, my fight to hold onto my sanity, the death of Coin, of Snow, of Prim.

And then the inconceivable choice that she made to be with Gale. By now I was laying in the bed paralyzed with grief, a sheen of sweat covering me, shaking under my blanket.

For so long I had thought Katniss was the one for me. That we would eventually end up together, needing nothing but our love. I hadn't even considered my life without her. I had loved Katniss and that was it. It was unshakable, unwavering, a solid fact.

But I had been wrong. Katniss was not who I was meant to be with. The thought was impossible to process after so long of one mentality. Yet I forced myself to think it over and over again. I ran through it in my head, absorbing it, memorizing it.

I hadn't realized it while I was in love with her. I hadn't realized it when she had first left me. But now I did. Now that I had felt what it was like to be with Iris, I finally understood. I would always have Katniss in my heart. I would always love her but she wouldn't be my love.

So finally, late in the night, the world still, my mind numb and exhausted from all my remembering and thinking, I finally did it. I released Katniss completely. All the regret, remorse about her was gone from me. And with that piece of me gone I felt completely whole for the first time in my life.

I slept soundly and fully. When I woke up I was refreshed, able to stand taller, carrying a lighter load. The world around me seemed like a different place. I began striking up conversations with people, allowing myself to laugh with no inhibitions. I began remembering who I was.

Everyone welcomed me back in warmly and kindly. I was treated with respect, revered almost by some. I was considered a war hero, had been since my return but only now that I was living again did the title seem to fit. It was all new to me. I had never been one to brag or demand attention or praise. But I was learning to accept it. People were honoring me but also healing themselves by speaking with someone who had been through it all.

My time as a prisoner of my own thoughts had made me forget truly experiencing life. I began noticing small details again, like the fresh scent of flowers or the warm feel of skin bathed in sunlight. With my revelation about Katniss and my new life starting with Iris, I learned again what it meant to be happy.

**A/N I know that this one wasn't very long or particularly exciting but it was very important. Peeta has finally come to terms with his feelings for Katniss and can start over fresh. It is another big turning point for him. But don't worry I promise next chapter there will be some Iris and Peeta for you guys. Please review!**


	16. Chapter 16

I woke up the morning of the festival to the sound of chirping birds. The festival, held every year at this time, was an old tradition of 12, stretching back longer than anyone could remember. There had been some arguments as to whether or not to keep it up after the rebellion. Some had reasoned that it would be advantageous to start over completely, a fresh page for the district. But tradition had won out. Why not remember where we came from?

Back in the days before everything that had happened with the rebellion and change of leadership and bombing, back when almost everyone was just barely scraping by, many people wouldn't attend the ceremony. It had been a requirement to bring along some sort of contribution, making it impossible for most from the Seam and some merchants to come. District 12 was a broken down, decrepit place without much unity between the citizens. Everyone strove to survive and were left with little time or interest to care for others. Close to every single person in attendance had been a merchant.

It had been another cause for distrust between those from the Seam and people who lived in the town. But for those who went it had always been a joyous, celebratory time. Children looked forward to the festival and the food and music and laughter it would bring.

I remember some of my best memories as being at the celebration. Laughing and playing and eating with Delly, Kaden, Asher, Rueben, and all my other friends. We were always fooling around and stuffing ourselves full of every bite we could hold, sneaking extra deserts and chasing each other through the crowds, wrestling and having fun.

I smile now just thinking about it. The days before it would always be hot and laborious for me as my family worked furiously to bake extra bread to bring to the festival. Then the day of my mother would fuss over me and my brothers, putting us in nice clothes, smoothing out our hair, scolding us to stand up straight. But the crowds and excitement had always provided a welcome opportunity to escape her sharp voice and stinging blows. Always at the end of the event I would fall into bed late at night content and happily exhausted.

I was pleased that the tradition was going to be continued. With the new systems of government and economics starting to shape, people had more money and were being able to live comfortably instead of fighting for survival. Everyone in the district who wished to come would be welcomed.

I had spent the previous week baking loaves of various kinds of bread and frosting the cookies and cakes I made. It had not been required for each person to bring something but everyone that could was going to. It was the principle, the tradition, the sense of community that hadn't been around before now.

Being from District 6, Iris knew nothing of the celebration. I had informed her of it and told her some of my memories. It had been a few years since I had attended one as my world had been turned upside down and there was something about the feeling it brought about that wasn't entirely possible to convey. So she was still in for a surprise.

We had agreed to meet at the bakery as it was roughly midway between our two houses. Then we would go to the town square together and join the others. The day passed fairly quickly and soon it was a little over an hour before our arranged meeting time.

I finished with the customer I was attending to then went to the back where I had stored all the baked goods I was planning on bringing. They were already wrapped up so after adding a few more things from today I set them on the front counter where they would be easy to grab before heading on our way to the square.

On my way home I realized with a small smile I had forgotten to remove my apron. Already far enough on my way that it would be pointless to turn back, I pulled it over my head and folded it over my arm. I soon reached my house where I left it hanging over the back of a chair and went upstairs to get ready.

I took a shower, scrubbing the off the flour and sweat from a long day of hard work. My hands were somewhat stained from the dyes in the frosting I had used. I had learned from experience that no amount of washing them would get rid of the tint; I had to wait for time to fade it. Quickly I dried off, scrubbing my wet hair with the towel.

From the small selection of clothes filling up only a fraction of the cavernous closet, I chose a pair of nice pants and a crisp shirt. The event wasn't formal but everyone still dressed well anyways, almost of out of respect.

A quick glance at the clock on my wall alerted me to the fact that I didn't have much time. Swiftly, I ran a comb through my hair, taming my still damp curls. Marching downstairs, I grabbed the apron I had unwittingly brought along and started on my way.

I reached the bakery before Iris and went inside to return the apron and retrieve my bundle of food. I locked up the bakery and waited outside, enjoying the warm weather and fresh breeze.

Not long after Iris came walking up the path. She looked beautiful. Her long waves of auburn hair tumbled loosely around her shoulders. Her eyes were bright, her skin glowing. On her feet was a pair of heeled sandals. She was dressed in a lavender dress. It came off her slender shoulders and was fitted at the top but flowed loosely down her long legs.

I greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. Her lips looked plump and inviting but I still cherished the sweet, innocent gesture.

"You look amazing," I told her.

She blushed. "You don't look bad yourself," she said, reaching up and straightening my collar.

My skin tingled where her cool fingers brushed my neck. I looked to the basket in her hands. When I inquired about its contents she opened up the lid to show me. Neatly lined inside were fresh vegetables.

"They're from my garden," she explained. "They were ready just in time, I picked them this morning."

"I didn't know you had a garden," I commented, taking her hand and starting on our way to the square.

"Yes, I started one almost immediately after I moved here. It has tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, and lots of different herbs. In the fall I'm planning on planting pumpkins and squash."

"Fresh herbs taste good in bread. You could go into business selling them to a certain bakery," I suggested.

"Hmmm I don't know if you can afford my prices," she joked.

"Really? Well I can be pretty convincing when I need to be," I said. "And if that fails I guess I'll just have to take them by force." I faked menace, teasingly cracking my knuckles. I playfully lunged at her.

Iris ran away from me, shrieking and laughing. I chased after her, gaining ground. Even in a dress and heels she was a fast runner but I had the longer stride and more practical clothes. When I caught up to her I grabbed her in my arms, lifting her in the air and spinning her around. She laughed and clawed at my arms, still trying to escape.

"Let me go," she begged giggling.

"Not a chance," I said, tightening, grip around her and brining my face down to kiss her. Someone whistled. Without noticing it we had made it to the square and our entire game had played out in front of the crowd. Iris blushed but I grinned good-naturedly, putting my arm around her shoulder and scanning the faces for the whistler.

My eyes found Kaden. I was shocked. My childhood friend, one of my closest, and I hadn't even known her had survived. My mood lifted even more and I made my way over to him, Iris beside me.

"Kaden!" I called, a broad smile on my face.

"Peeta, it's good to see you."

"Been a while hasn't it?" I asked faking casualness but acknowledging the fact of the horrible things that had happened. I recognized it but spoke of no detail, not wanting to ruin such a happy occasion.

He nodded. "Good to have you back though."

For the first time I wondered about how my post war state had affected those I had been close to before everything. I'm sure it had been a shock. But for now I suppressed the thoughts. They could be pondered upon later, now a time for celebration.

"Feels good too," I allowed but then steered the topic away from such things. "Do you know Iris?"

Kaden turned his eyes to her. "Well I've heard about her but haven't met her in person."

"Well this is Iris and Iris, this is Kaden. One of my oldest friends," I introduced, smiling as I thought back on the happy memories I had shared with him.

He extended his hand to her and they shook.

"What kinds of things have you heard?" she asked. "I shouldn't be worried should I?"

"No, no," he grinned mischievously. "Just that you are a talented architect. And a few other things," he added with a pointed look in my direction.

I raised my eyebrows. "What exactly have people been talking about?" I asked curiously but cautiously.

Kaden laughed. "Boy, there's a lot you've missed."

**A/N The first chapters of this story are ridiculously short so I'm trying to go back and fix that. By combining them it's going to mess with the number of chapters. So fair warning and don't get freaked out if the number chapters changes. Please review!**


	17. Chapter 17

Apparently Iris and I were a major topic of gossip for the district. Some rumors were true but others were so off base they were laughable. Kaden filled us in on the things he had heard.

"If you think that one's funny just wait until you hear this next one. It happens to be my personal favorite. According to some people, Peeta, there has already been a secret wedding and you two are expecting a baby soon," Kaden said.

That caught me off guard. I knew people to stretch the truth and make a big deal about nothing but this was still surprising. I had only known Iris for a few months and we were nowhere close to having to worry about having a baby. I started to reply with a joke.

Then Iris's hands flew to her stomach. "How did they know?" she whispered.

The look on Kaden's face was priceless. His jaw dropped and his head whipped around to look at me. His expression caused both Iris and I to dissolve into laughter, alerting him to the fact that it had been a joke.

"You had me going there for a minute. You have an evil lady here Peeta," he shook his head.

I put my arm around Iris. "No baby. Definitely no baby," I assured him.

"So how did you meet Peeta?" Iris asked.

Kaden thought for a minute. "Well we went to school together. My father owned the fabric store so we were both merchant's kids. I've known this boy for a long time."

She grinned. "What was he like as a kid?"

"Oh let's not get into that," I cut in.

"Why not?" Kaden asked mischievously. "I think it's the perfect topic. Our boy here was quite the charmer here. Always had girls falling all over him."

"I wonder what's changed," Iris teased.

"You're right I just don't see it anymore. You must have lost it." I rolled my eyes. He continued, "I remember all the girls chasing him in the school yard. There was this one time where," he turned to me. "You remember Edana don't you?"

I groaned. She had been a school mate who had relentlessly badgered me. She had a schoolyard crush that had bordered on obsession.

Kaden continued, "Well this one girl Edana kept chasing him and Peeta here was running away as fast as he could. It had gone on a long time when he tripped, graceful person he is, and fell. She literally leapt on top of him. The teacher had to separate her from him."

Iris laughed, only encouraging Kaden. "The only reason us boys hung around him was to catch the girls he turned down. Still don't know what it was about him. Must have been the luscious blond curls." He playfully swatted at my head. I shoved his arm away and we started wrestling like we were young again.

"Children," Iris teasingly scolded.

We stood up straight again but not before I got in another good smack to the back of his head. Suddenly I was startled by a rough hand on my shoulder. I turned around to find out who it was but the stench of alcohol, though faded from before, alerted me to their identity before I saw their face.

Haymitch stood before me looking simultaneously exactly the same and completely different from before. He was still completely recognizable yet there were several drastic changes.

His clothes were clean instead of rumpled and odorous like before. Instead of hanging around his face in greasy strands, his hair had been combed. His eyes were less sunken, his beer belly less pronounced, and most noticeably wasn't drunk.

I hadn't spoken to him since our return to the district and I was somewhat wary.

"Peeta," he greeted and I immediately noticed that his words weren't the least bit slurred.

"Haymitch," I acknowledged with absolutely no idea the direction our conversation would head.

"How are you boy? It's been a while." Were all my conversations going to start like this now?

"Pretty good and you?"

"Aww cut the formalities. Can't properly talk to someone when they keep trying to be polite. Never liked that about you. Sometimes you just want to get into a shouting match with someone. Never could do that with you," Haymitch complained.

"Oh I've missed your pleasant company," I remarked dryly. Though I wasn't showing it, I felt good talking to Haymitch again. He had become somewhat of a father to me. A poor-tempered and rude father, but a father nonetheless.

He only snorted. "You going to introduce me to your friends here?" he inquired with a jab of his chin in their direction.

"But of course," I kept my manners impeccable just to annoy him. "This is Kaden, you probably saw him a few times back before everything. And this is Iris."

He shook hands with both, his eyes lingering on Iris's for a moment. "I've seen your work around here. Fixing things up, it's good."

I couldn't help but wonder if he was referring to me. Iris was the reason after all that my dark personality had disappeared.

"Thank you," she said.

Haymitch grunted. "Going to go see if I can find some food."

But before he left he stopped by my side. In a low voice that only I could hear he said, "If you ever need to talk come see me boy."

I nodded, remaining impassive on the outside. But inside my heart swelled. He would never show it but Haymitch really did care for me just like a son. And the offer was comforting as I may feel the need to take him up on it someday.

"There are a couple of people I should probably go talk to," Kaden said. "But I'll find you later ok?"

I nodded and he disappeared into the crowd. Iris looked up at me.

"I like him. He's funny and I'm looking forward to hearing more about you. Sounds like you had a very interesting childhood."

"Please don't," I begged. "I don't know what he's going to tell you but it will probably be really embarrassing for me."

She only laughed. "And Haymitch, being around him is like a part of history. He's a victor of the second Quell and one of the leaders in the rebellion."

"Haymitch? He's just a grumpy old man."

Only then did we realize we still had the food we brought. Together we went off into the crowd to find a place to set it down.

The night was full of laughter and conversation. Everyone ate their fill, all the food delicious. Many people came up to me complimenting the breads and pastries. I talked to countless people. Reconnecting with old faces, remembering past relationships and starting the foundation to strengthen them again. Meeting new people who had moved to 12, memorizing names. I laughed and joked and never stopped smiling.

After hours of merriment and celebration, the musicians slowed the lively tunes to calm song perfect for dancing. I took Iris in my arms and we swayed together. We passed small comments back and forth but mostly just drank in each other's presences and the warm, content atmosphere.

Presently I felt a tap on my arm and turned to see Kaden.

"Mind if I take the next one?" he asked gesturing to Iris.

I released her with a warning, "But don't get too attached, I want the next dance."

"Don't suffocate her now Peeta," he said easily.

Iris brushed her fingers against mine and moved to Kaden. "I can't keep you to myself all night. I see quite a few girls eyeing you. You should ask one of them to dance."

I took her suggestion after watching them walk away. Kaden leaned down to tell her something that made her giggle. Then her response sent them both into laughter as they started to dance. I felt myself smile at the sight of them getting along so well.

Scanning the crowd, my eyes picked up on Delly. Another person I hadn't talked to in a very long time. Not since she had tried to help me get better from the hijacking, in fact. I walked over to her.

"Delly, would you like to dance?"

Her eyes lit up happily and she agreed. We took a place among the other pairs.

"How are you Peeta?" she asked. It seemed to be the question of the night but her concern was sweet.

"I'm actually doing very well. And you?"

"I'm fine as well. You know I've missed talking to you," she admitted.

"Me too, Dells." She made a face at the childhood nickname. Another close friend that I regretted the distance that had been between us.

We spent the song catching up. We didn't cover everything, staying mostly on the lighter topics, but it felt like getting to know each other again. I enjoyed it but still excused myself at the end of the song.

Just as I was starting to look for her Iris walked up. Wordlessly we took each other into our arms again. My hands rested on her thin waist and her arms reached up to wrap around my neck. She leaned her face into my chest.

"Kaden behaved didn't he?" I asked, knowing my friend to be rather coarse at times.

"Yes he's very likeable. Though I did hear a few interesting things about you."

I would have asked what he had said but was somewhat distracted by her breath on my shoulder. "You'll have to tell me about that later," I murmured into her hair.

"I saw you dancing with Delly. I've talked to her a few times, she's so sweet."

"Delly's another one I've known from way back."

"Hmmmm," was her only response.

I looked down at her. Eyes lightly closed, hair stirring in the slight breeze. Her beauty shone so brightly it was stunning. Taking in the image of her in my embrace, my world felt completely whole. I rested my chin on her head, knowing that I would not be the first one to let go.


	18. Chapter 18

"No! You wouldn't dare!" Iris shrieked.

I only raised my eyebrows and turned the water on even higher. Aiming the hose straight at her, I sprayed her entirely with the water, laughing the whole time. Iris stood there dripping wet, her mouth opened in shock. She looked like she was about to yell at me but then her expression changed abruptly.

Iris lowered her eyelids and walked towards me slowly. The sight of her, skin glistening with the water droplets, clothes plastered to her slender frame, set my heart beating furiously. She was only inches from me and she slipped her arms around my neck, staring into my eyes. My breathing quickened as she leaned her face closer to mine, angling her lips to almost meet mine.

Then so quickly I didn't see it coming, while I was distracted by her so close to me, Iris yanked the hose from my hands and blasted me with the freezing water. I stood there sputtering, my arms halfway raise, bewildered by the change of events. Iris was holding her sides laughing at my dumbfounded expression.

"You aren't getting away with this Hemway," I warned, chasing towards her.

Squealing and laughing, Iris ran from me. I chased her in circles around the house. She was fast and agile, turning sharp corners and swiftly changing directions. We ran until we were gasping for breath, both from the exertion and the laughter. When I couldn't take it anymore, I collapsed onto the grass in front of her house. Iris fell on top of me playfully.

We had spent the day tending to the garden in her backyard. Weeding, watering the flowers, picking the ripe vegetables. But a productive day of work had quickly dissolved into our foolish games.

Now we lay there in our small heap. I looked at her, straight in the face, memorizing her features in even greater detail than I already knew. The arch of her eyebrows, the delicate curve of her jaw, a scattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose, so light I could barely see them. Small details that wouldn't normally be noticed but only made her that much more perfect.

I reached out and pushed a damp lock of hair behind her ear. She looked down and bit her lip. With one finger under her chin, I lifted her face up to look into her eyes. Leaning in, I kissed her.

Iris allowed the kiss for a moment before breaking away and standing up. She brushed the grass off her legs and reached down a hand to help me up. Just as the thought was crossing my mind, Iris looked at me with a warning.

"Don't even think about pulling me back down," she cautioned. "You're already in trouble for the hose."

I scrambled to my feet and held my hands up in a placating gesture.

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry. It was a horrible thing for me to do and it will never happen again." I kept my voice completely repentant but couldn't stop the corners of my mouth from curling up.

She punched me in arm but turned to walk into the house. "Come on, let's go get cleaned up. You're a mess."

"You're covered in just as much grass as me," I protested.

She contemplated it for a moment then picked a few blades of grass from her hair. "Not anymore. Now you have more."

I allowed myself to be drug into her house. We kicked our shoes off at the door but still left a trail of mud and water down her hallway.

"I only have one shower. Would you like to go first?" Iris asked.

"No, you go ahead. Mind if I find something to eat while you're in there?"

She nodded her consent and wandered off into one of the back rooms. I rummaged through the kitchen. I found an apple and, polishing it on my shirt; I carried it over to the table and took a bite. I soon finished it and stood up to throw away the core.

I became aware of the fact that my shirt itched almost unbearably. The prickly grass and drying mud irritated my back horribly. Gripping the bottom of the shirt, I peeled it off. Wadding it into a ball, I tossed it over to wear I had laid my shoes.

Just then Iris walked in carrying a towel in one hand. She was about to say something but stopped and lifted an eyebrow.

"I leave you alone for one minute and when I come back you're missing some of your clothes," she teased shaking her head.

"The shirt didn't go very well with my apple so I had to take it off," I shrugged, reinforcing my fake explanation.

"Really?" Iris asked. "I thought it was a ploy to impress me."

"Well," I said, rolling my shoulders, mocking myself. "Just try and contain yourself."

She snorted. "You know it might have worked. But you have a piece of grass in your teeth. Kind of takes away from the whole muscled thing."

I laughed too and picked it out. "How about know?" I asked.

"Better," Iris said. "But anyway I brought this towel for you in case you wanted to dry off some. Or you could lay it on the couch if you wanted to sit down without getting it wet."

I thanked her and took the towel, drying off as she walked back to the bathroom. Left with nothing to do, my gaze wandered to the puddle left by the front door. Dutifully I wiped it up with a rag from under the sink, clearing away the dirt and grass.

Just as I was rinsing the cloth under the sink, Iris came out. She was barefoot in a thin cotton dress, her wet hair pile on top of her head and secured in a twist of waves. The smell of fresh shampoo wafted towards me.

"Shower's all yours," she said walking over to her cabinets. "If you go straight back from here, the room at the end of the hallway is mine. The bathroom is right through there."

I followed her directions and came to the partially closed door to her room. For a moment I stood there unsure but then pushed open the door and walked in. I didn't want to invade Iris's privacy but I couldn't help looking around just a bit.

The walls were a light lavender, the bed covered in a warm cream quilt. There was a bureau, bookshelf, and desk made of cherry wood. Hanging on the wall over the bureau was a round mirror. The bookshelf was crammed with everything from thin, worn volumes to thick leather bound books. Scattered on the desk were pencils of all sizes, some broken in half, others worn down to a nub from use. Even from where I stood I could see half finished floor plans for houses Iris was designing. Every inch of the room spoke of Iris.

Mentally pushing myself to move along, I found the door to the bathroom. Iris had lain out a towel for me. Soon I was taking a warm shower. As I stepped out and wrapped the towel around myself I realized I had nothing to wear.

My shirt was wrinkled in a pile by the front door and my pants were too caked with mud to put back on. Shaking my head at my predicament, I called out to Iris. She stopped outside the close bathroom door and laughed as I explained my situation.

After a moment she opened the door a crack and passed me a shirt.

"I don't know how it will fit but it's the biggest and least feminine one I have," she said.

Trying on the shirt, I was relieved to see that it buttoned easily and looked rather like a man's shirt. It still felt strange to be wearing Iris's clothes but under the circumstances it worked.

"It fits," I informed her through the still closed door.

"That's good. But there's no way I have any pants that will fit you and I'm just guessing you won't want a skirt," Iris responded.

Left with no other option, I hung up the towel and stepped out into the room in the shirt and my boxers. I shrugged my shoulders in Iris's direction, pushing wet hair from my eyes.

"First stripping in my kitchen, now not wearing any pants. I am seriously beginning to doubt your morals, Mr. Mellark."

"Well you're certainly taking a risk being around me," I replied jokingly.

"Guess I'll just have to take my chances," Iris took my hand.

I intertwined our fingers, her skin cool and soft against mine. She lightly swung our hands between us as we walked into her living room. I sat down on the couch and Iris moved close to me, tucking her feet by her side. She rested her head on my shoulder and I felt her warmth against me.

Somewhere behind my heart three words began to form. They moved up to my head, heavy with their intensity and meaning. I considered stopping myself but realized that I felt it completely, with all I was. So I let the words jump to my mouth and into the world.

Turning so that I was staring into her eyes, I began, "Iris, I…"

"Wait," she cut me off. Hurt and confusion blossomed in my chest. "Peeta, I've been thinking a lot and I have to tell you this. If I know what you were about to say, and I think I do, I don't want to be keeping this secret from you."

I hadn't noticed the tremors that had started in her hands but they caught my attention as they increased with each word.

"I already told you about the hijacking. And when you asked me why I didn't have the flashbacks anymore I said I didn't have the strength to tell you right then." Her voice caught on the words, breaking and giving me insight to the unimaginable pain behind her eyes. "No matter how much I want to stop, no matter how hard it is to go on, I have to tell you. You need to know this."

**A/N So sorry this took so long. I'm going to try never to take that long to update again. But now that it's here I hope you like it. So next chapter is going to be an important one but I will do my best to get it out as quickly as possible. Reviews please!**


	19. Chapter 19

"Don't let me stop. I have to get this out now or I'm afraid I'll never work up the courage again. I won't want to keep going, it will be almost impossible. But promise me you will make me finish," she pleaded.

I was torn. I wanted to give her anything she asked for but it seemed a terrible deed she was requesting. "I won't do anything that will cause you pain," I said.

Iris looked like she was about to argue. But then something changed behind her eyes. An invisible force was pulling her down. She was drowning inside of her sorrow. Weighted down by pain I had no comprehension of. Iris's eyes were dimming, being replaced by identical pools of agony.

She was scaring me. It looked as if she was losing her hold on reality. I gripped her hand, holding her here, holding her now, holding her with me. Slowly her eyes became her own again and she opened her mouth to speak.

"My father wanted to please the Capital more than anything. To become one of their favorites, to secure some of their twisted power for his own. His only idea was to emulate Kraus as his success was exactly the kind my father wanted. As far as my father could tell the thing that had set Kraus apart from the other doctors was that instead of lab animals he had tested his methods on me. He decided it might as well work for him too. I was wracked with hijacking episodes. He couldn't look at me. I was a broken mess of a child, someone who he was disgusted to be linked to. So it didn't leave the smallest impression on his almost nonexistent conscience.

"He tested every single disease and sickness imaginable on me. Anything you've ever heard of in your life, ones you've never even dreamed of in your darkest nightmares. Pandemics that swept the globe before the creation of Panem. Illnesses that rampaged the world, causing irreparable damage. Hi-tech infections thought up in a lab by monsters of scientists. He would inject me with the disease to then test the cure.

"Each time he knew full well that it might not cure me. Each time he was completely aware that my life was resting in his filthy hands."

I was startled by the venom in Iris's voice. She was still trembling and tears were spilling from her eyes but now they show with a fierceness I had never seen before. An almost maniacal hate, burning straight from her soul.

With each of her words I had felt my horror and disgust and fury rise almost unbearably. That anyone would do such a thing to another person, especially their own child tore me up inside. More than anything I wanted to cut in. But I knew that Iris needed to continue this on her own. My teeth clamped down on my tongue.

They squeezed tighter and tighter as she continued her story. Within a few moments my mouth was filled with my own blood. Sharp and stinging like the abhorrence I was feeling.

"I would be infected with the sickness. Then I would be forced to endure the symptoms for as long as humanly possible, until I was on the very edge of death. Until the last possible second I could be torn from its clutches, which I would have welcomed as an alternative to the pain. Then he would inject a possible cure. There were many close calls but each time I stayed alive.

"After one disease was healed, as if it were anything close to a healing, I might have a few days before the next one was tested. Often it was less than that. I still don't know how my body could endure all it did. But I kept living. I was an empty shell. Shattered, broken, hollowed out by my suffering."

Iris broke off into gasps, convulsing. A feeling of desperation like I had never experienced washed over me as my arms reaching out to her had absolutely no effect.

Then she dragged herself upright again, digging her nails into the couch, struggling for each inch. She grabbed my hand with an urgency that frightened be. A wild, anguished look in her eyes, fingers crushing mine, her despair somehow augmenting her strength.

The small sound of protest I made as she dragged me off the couch and down the hall was cut off by a low voice, akin to a growl.

"Just come. Just look." I allowed myself to be dragged towards her room but each time she trembled, I felt daggers stabbing into my heart.

My sense of helplessness and confusion only intensified as Iris released her grip by the door and knelt next to her bed. From the space between the mattress and the floor, her pale, shaking arms withdrew a dusty wooden box.

I knelt beside her as she unlatched the lid. The veins in her hands stood out in high relief against the ashen skin. Her fingers were scrabbling with the lock, shaking so badly they were unable to complete a simple task.

But she got it opened and what she removed from inside made me wish it had stayed shut.

A photograph. An insubstantial scrap of paper. Easily blown away by wind, crumpled and forgotten, ripped and discarded. But the weight of its subject gave it undeserved substance, and by that undeniable power.

I looked at it and felt bile rising up in my throat. Not in control of my own actions, I punched the floor, actually shaking the room with the force of my blow. A tunnel of darkness closed around my vision as red spots played before my eyes.

No! Not now! I could feel the hijacking taking over. My first episode in weeks and at the worst possible time. Through sheer force of will, I shoved it away with a feat of strength I didn't know I was capable of. I focused on my breathing, each in and out ragged and shallow. Dreading what would lay before me I moved my eyes back to the photograph.

It was Iris. But not any I had ever seen before. The skin was the color of death. Pale to the point of transparency, sallow, pallid, and grey. It was broken in places, open sores, boils and scabs. Her hair was lank and dull, falling out in places. She was horribly thin. Each bone could be seen through her skin. Roughly pushing up at sharp angles, threatening to break through at any time.

The figure was curled up in the fetal position, each point of her spine protruding. The position she was in lead to the impression of wanting to disappear, to shrink away, to cease to exist.

At last I forced myself to look into the eyes. The sight there broke my heart. Devoid of any emotion at all, completely empty of anything. It was worse than tears. To see a human being reduced to such a low state that they couldn't even feel any form of emotion, well it's something nobody should have to do.

An uncontrolled sob wrenched me from the gripping horror of the picture. I looked over to Iris. She looked like she was about to come undone. This time she didn't protest when I gathered her into my arms.

I kissed her hair and murmured to her, holding her as close to me as possible. Though I tried to stop her from continuing, Iris once again began recounting more of the nightmare.

"This was a picture he took to correlate with his research. After I was freed from him I stole it. For some reason I knew I had to keep it, to remind myself of everything I had survived." Then changing directions,

"I wanted to fight back. I wanted to stop it. But I was too weak. The sicknesses took away every scrap of strength I had ever accumulated. And hijacking episodes would catch me completely unaware. I had no strength to sustain the rages so I would end up a quivering mess as the venom leeched even more life out of me. At that point all I wanted was to die. There was no way I could continue on. But the torture endured.

"The worst part of it all was the thing that in turn, ended his torment."

Removing herself from my grasp, Iris sat on the floor facing me. Reaching up as she turned to put a finger to my lips to silence me.

Her fingers moved to the hem of her dress. She could barely grasp the fabric because of how badly her hands were shaking. In a normal circumstance I'm sure I would have reacted wildly to her actions but the brokenness before me left no normal desires but instead the single need to help her. Slowly, as if each inch was an impossible battle in its own right, Iris lifted up the front of her dress, exposing her stomach.

I swore. It was a rough and colorful oath, one to make people turn their heads and cover their children's ears with firmly placed hands. Shocking because I rarely cursed, preferring to find some other way to express myself. But there was no word horrible enough for the sight before me.

On the lower half of her stomach, off to the right, lay the worst scar I can ever remember seeing. Mottled red and purple and brown, it seemed to pull at the edges where it connected to the rest of her skin, stretching it, almost as if yearning to cause pain beyond what had already been inflicted to produce the scar. The patch of skin had sunken in, forming a valley of suffering in the smooth skin of her torso. It was huge, probably three inches in diameter, roughly the size of my clenched fist, and completely round.

Drawn by some unknown urge, guided by a gruesome horror, pushed by my sympathy, I reached out to touch it. Run my fingers over the surface; prove that such a horrible mark of agony really could exist. Iris flinched and I jerked my hand away, loathe to put her in any more pain than she was right now.

Instead I lifted my confused, horrified eyes to her tear-filled ones. MY hand reached out to her cheek, bracing both of us. Steeling myself, with a trembling voice I asked,

"Who…..What did this to you?"

**A/N You probably hate me so much right now. First right after I say I'll try to take less time between updates, I take forever to get this chapter out. And then now that I finally did, it ends like that. I'm sorry but just think of it as an exercise in patience. I will get the next chapter out when I can and hopefully it will be a lot sooner than the last two. But reviews will make me want to write faster! So review and prepare yourself for the next chapter.**


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